Target Marketing -- Full Sterne Ahead

Sterne Measures
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Full Sterne Ahead

by Jim Sterne

April, 2002

Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of
Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web business consultant
to business and industry.

In this issue I discover Ernestine is working at Cingular
Wireless in When Will They Ever Learn?, Am very grateful
to Consultlogic in Resource of Note, find the dot.com
fervor is well buried in While I Was Out, find a present
I want for Christmas in The Crystal Ball, am spammed
with attachments by the cable company In My In-Box, re-
discover a fine old tradition in a combination of The Big
Idea and You Can Do It, am once again amazed by United
Airlines in Don't Try This At Home, shake my head in
wonder at an attempted Apology of the Month, waste time
with robots in One of my Favorite Buttons, find another
e-marketing portal in Marketing Marvels, find Apple is
thinking out of the box in Silly Sighting of the Moment,
ponder the death of Sprint broadband in Who'd Have Guessed?,
receive an ill planned promotion from somebody who ought
to know in If They Can Put A Man On The Moon, watch as an
entire marketing department is decimated in Classic Comment,
and remind you that the E-Metrics Summit is coming in
Shameless Plug.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Sign up for the E-Metrics newsletter/discussion/info/email
thingy at http://www.targetingemetrics.com/summitlist.shtml
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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WHEN WILL THEY EVER LEARN?
--------------------------
  From: "Cingular Wireless"
  To: jsterne@targeting.com
  Date: Tue, 02 Apr 2002 19:03:51 -0500
  Subject: Cingular Wireless requests your permission
  >
  > Dear James Sterne,
  >
  > As a valued customer, Cingular Wireless would like to
  > send you emails to keep you informed and to give you
  > advanced notice of special promotions. Cingular Wireless
  > would like to send you information and offers about new
  > products and plans, cool technology, and other fun stuff!
  >
  > Through this message, Cingular is seeking your permission
  > for the opportunity to provide you with information and
  > customer service by email. Thank you!

So I replied to both abuse@cingular.com and postmaster@cingular.com

  > Dear Cingular Wireless -
  >
  > I distinctly remember never signing
  > up to receive information from you.
  > The return address on the message
  > below does not necessarily point
  > back to you.
  >
  > Either:
  >
  > 1. Your name is being used by the unscrupulous
  >    to harvest email addresses
  >       or
  > 2. You have lost your own scruples by resorting
  >    to spam.
  >
  > Which is it?

Both messages bounced.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

RESOURCE OF NOTE
----------------
  Date: Fri, 12 Apr 2002 11:51:15 -0700
  Subject: Full Sterne Ahead is SPAM?
  From: "Jhaura S. Wachsman"
  To: Jim Sterne
  >
  > Mr. Sterne,
  >
  > Did you know that your newsletter looks like SPAM to
  > Hotmail and AOL mail servers? As a subscriber to your
  > newsletter, I was surprised when I saw it in the Junk
  > Mail folder of my Hotmail account which has the spam
  > filter set at Medium. Here's why:
  >
  > There is a serious mis-configuration on your list
  > service. Your message comes with the To: address as:
  > To: "Subscribers of Full Sterne Ahead"
  >   .
  >
  > This is a huge flag for most spam filters especially
  > Hotmail's and AOL's filters.
  >
  > To these systems, a legitimate email is addressed
  > ***personally*** to the user on their system, i.e.,
  > the To: header has my email address in it, not a
  > generic list address.
  >
  > I have done extensive testing on this and found that,
  > with a generic address, most of the time your message
  > will be (1) filtered to the Junk Mail folder in
  > Hotmail (2) accepted by AOL and later deleted and
  > never delivered.

Jhaura then went on to explain (step-by-step so that even
*I* could follow the instructions) how to change my settings
at Sparklist to fix this problem. It wasn't hard, but I
didn't even have to think.

For that, a giant Thanks! to Jhaura and I encourage you
all to check out his email newsletter services at
http://www.consultlogic.com
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WHILE I WAS OUT
---------------
Two years ago, I had the privilege of lecturing to an
MBA class at MIT's Sloan School on the vagaries of
Internet marketing. They were young They were wide-
eyed. They were eager. They were ready to start dot-
comming just as soon as they could.

This year was different. The class was more crowded
and skewed older. The reception was cool if not out-
right skeptical. The eye-lids were hooded.

So instead of offering up eight years of online marketing
wisdom on how to make a Web site that offered a pleasing
customer experience, I told them about how to measure
whether their Web site was delivering a pleasing customer
experience. They were attentive. They asked tough
questions. Professor Christian Dussart was pleased.
Heck - he even bought me lunch.

The times they are a changin'.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

THE CRYSTAL BALL
----------------
The Crystal Ball says this device is going to be under my
Christmas Tree if they get it to market in time. If this
virtual keyboard works, I will rate it Very Cool.
http://www.vkb.co.il/
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

MY IN-BOX
---------
Date: Thu, 4 Apr 2002 16:03:07 -0500
Subject: Cox Web Hosting Solutions (Rep: xxxx xxxxx 683-0661)
From: "xxxx xxxxx (CBS-Santa Barbara)"
To: "xxxx xxxx(CBS-Santa Barbara)"
  >
  > Is your company in need of a cheaper, more reliable,
  > or reachable hosting company for your web-site?

To which I replied:

  > Are you in need of a head transplant?
  >
  > What sort of a Web hosting firm with a brand
  > as strong as Cox would condone sending spam ??
  > Along with a half a megabyte of attachments ?!?
  >
  > TWICE?

I guess they want to make sure you hate your dial-up
connection. Problem is, I'm already a Cox customer.
Maybe it's time to http://www.skypipeline.com
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

THE BIG IDEA/YOU CAN DO IT
--------------------------
Yep - I'm doubling up this one. It's so simple and you've
heard it dozens of times. It *is* a big idea, but it's
repeated here because you *can* do it, and you should.

After a meeting with a rather high ranking mucky-muck
in a very large organization, my wife received a hand-
written note. I found it in the stack of mail that had
piled up while we were out of town for the weekend and
separated it out. (I didn't have a silver tray at the
ready, or I would have delivered it to her in white
gloves.)

The contents were sparse; two sentences. The reaction
was profound. What does this have to do with the
Internet? Simple - the more email we send, the more
powerful the impact of a hand written note.

Go ahead - you can do it.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME
----------------------
> On Mon, 18 Mar 2002, United Mileage Plus wrote:
>
> > Dear Mr Goldberg:
> >
> > I'm excited to tell you about an innovative service
> > enhancement from United, one that will save you time
> > and keep you informed each time you fly with us. Once
> > you sign up for this new service, you'll know the
> > status of your flight and other travel information
> > before you reach the airport.
[snip]
> > This time-sensitive travel information can be sent to
> > you wherever you are, via any device you choose: cell,
> > home or work phone, e-mail, pager, PDA or fax.

On Sunday, April 07, 2002, Gabe Goldberg wrote:
  >
  > I just registered for United Airlines' EasyUpdate.
  >
  > Part of this process involved providing my phone
  > number for important messages and do-not-call hours
  > during which you're not supposed to call me under
  > any circumstances, even for important messages.
  >
  > I specified don't call from 10 pm to 8 am every day.
  >
  > I registered at 1:15 am.
  >
  > My phone rang immediately (that's at 1:15 am) with
  > a message confirming my registration.
  >
  > Do you see a problem with this?
  >
  > Hints: This was not an important message.
  > You called during my do-not-call hours.

My favorite part was the Subject of Gabe's message:
> Subject: Are you people insane or just strikingly incompetent?
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

APOLOGY OF THE MONTH
--------------------
File this one under, I'm sorry my spam blew up,
so I'm spamming you again."

  Date: Fri, 12 Apr 2002 07:35:56 -0400
  To: jsterne@targeting.com
  From: Marianne Cooley
  Subject: Fwd: ad info request
  >
  > Jim
  > This has got to be one of the funniest... "I sent
  > spam to you, then my computer melted down so I'm
  > spamming you again just in case you responded..."!!!!

At first I thought Marianne might have been reading too
much into the message she received. Then *I* read it:

  From: "Richard Voskamp"
  To:
  Subject: ad info request
  Sender: "Richard Voskamp"
  Date: Thu, 11 Apr 2002 20:27:55 -0700
  >
  > Dear Sirs,
  >
  > Recently, (within a month or two) I sent a request
  > for ad info. Saddly, my computer had a few technical
  > problems and I was forced to reformat my harddrive,
  > losing all of the info I had collected. I now find
  > myself asking you for that same info again so I can
  > rebuild my database.
  >
  > All of the addresses I'm mailing to came from an
  > email extractor. I have not been to your site(s) so
  > I don't know if they're applicable to my product.
  > When responding, please give me a little info about
  > your site or a link to it. Also, my product is available
  > in the US and Canada only so if the majority of your
  > veiwers are from other countries I wouldn't be using
  > the site. Please respond with "delete" if you don't
  > accept advertising, or the site is based in another
  > country so I can take you off my records. Thank you.

So do you call it spamming when he's trying to use the
tool to find people to buy services from? You certainly
do.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

ONE OF MY FAVORITE BUTTONS
--------------------------
Plan on wasting a solid fifteen minutes here:
http://math.berkeley.edu/~sethian/Applets/java_files_robotic_illegal/robotic_illegal.html

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

MARKETING MARVELS
-----------------
http://www.MarketingProfs.com - Marketing news, weather,
business and sports, and some familiar authors it's nice
to see again like Ann Handley, Paul J. Bruemmer, and
Nick Usborne. Don't forget to check out the Marketing
Resources section.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

SILLY SIGHTING OF THE MOMENT
----------------------------
Tired of Microsoft bashing? Somebody out there has a
scatological grudge against Apple:

http://www.raytracer25.btinternet.co.uk/iToilet/itoilet.html

A tip of the hat to
http://www.vitallyimportantinformation.com
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

WHO'D HAVE GUESSED?
-------------------
Dan Tuchler wrote in last time about his Dilbert moment
with PacBell. The saga continues... but first a tip of
the FSA baseball cap to Dan. After all:

  From: "Tuchlers"
  To:
  Subject: RE: Full Sterne Ahead for March, 2002
  Date: Fri, 5 Apr 2002 11:43:20 -0800
  >
  > Hey! I helped write your newsletter today! I should
  > get 1/2 off my subscription.

Done!

  > By the way, 2 e-mails to pacbell, no answers. They
  > seem to have redone their site, now it crashes in
  > new ways (all I wanna do is send them my money!!).
  >
  > So I'm still stuck with Sprint Broadband. Check them
  > out for a real groan:
  >
  > www.sprintbroadband.com

Maybe that's why SkyPipeline is doing so well...

Thanks Dan. And take another 25% off your subscription!
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

IF THEY CAN PUT A MAN ON THE MOON
---------------------------------
On Friday, March 15, 2002 at 02:14:52 -0800 (PST) I got
an email From: KANA about
Subject: Web self-service = Huge Cost Savings.

Rendered in Eudora's Microsoft Viewer, about 20% of the
message was off the right side, requiring scrolling.
Rendered through the normal Eudora, well... you don't
want to know.

At least it was a message about Web self-service and not
about their email marketing tools. Marketer, heal thyself.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

CLASSIC COMMENT
---------------
David Jemison, webmaster at http://www.lifeinkorea.com
and http://www.lifeinasia.com wrote to ask me about this
message he received:

  heather@esubmissionmasters.com wrote:
  >
  > Hello,
  >
  > I found http://www.lifeinkorea.com at Google. I'm
  > looking for the person in charge of online marketing.
  >
  > My name is Heather and I am the marketing director
  > of Web Submission Services. We are a website submission
  > company
[snip]
  > The reason why I am contacting you is because I did
  > some research and found http://www.lifeinkorea.com in
  > Google on page 11 for the search term " venus wedding
  > dress". I understand that you have other search terms
  > by which people find you and I'd like to help you get
  > higher rankings for all of your search phrases,
  > especially if this phrase has nothing to do with your
  > site.

"Especially if this phrase has nothing to do with your
site"? I told him I get them all the time, but that was
a little odd.

Then he asked me what I thought about his response:

  > Dear Heather,
  >
  > Thank you for your recent message and pointing
  > out that lifeinkorea.com  has such a low ranking
  > for "venus wedding dress." As you can imagine, we
  > are quite concerned that people looking for "venus
  > wedding dress" will have to dig down 11 pages on
  > Google to find the Life in Korea site (a site for
  > inbound tourism to Korea).
  >
  > I have fired my entire marketing staff and personally
  > hold them responsible as the reason that such few
  > women wear venus wedding dresses in Korean traditional
  > wedding ceremonies.

I hope you feel better, Heather.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

SHAMELESS PLUG
--------------
Where in the world is Jim Sterne?
What day is it?

This week I'll drive down to LA for another round of
the Web Marketing Mastery Forum on Thursday, April 25.
http://www.iw.com/events/spring2002/forums/mastery.php
I'll be covering:

   The 17 Silver Bullets You Can Implement in Two Days
   The 15 Minute Web Site Assault
   Web Strategy Workshop
   Five Years of Really Bad Web Sites
      - And How to Avoid Having One
   Answers to Your Hardest Web Marketing Questions

If you're planning on going, be sure to take advantage
of The 15 Minute Web Site Assault - send me your URL
and if you're in the audience, I'll be only to happy to
humiliate you in public.

The next day, Friday, April 26, I'll be giving the
hour long classic, Eight Ways to a Great Customer
Service Web Site.
http://www.iw.com/events/spring2002/forums/fri_sessions.php

On Tuesday, May 14, I'll be at an eBusiness Association
meeting in Rochester NY to spend an hour talking about
Taking The Measure of Your Web Site.

Next up is a two day course at the Oxford University
(yes, *that* Oxford) on Tuesday & Wednesday, May 21 & 22,
entitled, "Online Marketing of Seminars, Courses &
Conferences."

On Tuesday, June 4 I'll be presenting a half day session
called Customer Relationship Management as a Company-Wide
Strategy at Internet World in Berlin
http://www.internetworld-messe.de

Thursday, June 20 finds me back in Los Angeles for @D:TECH,
where I'll talk for an hour about Understanding & Measuring
the Consumer Experience Online
http://www.ad-tech.com/live/90/events/90LAX02

And *finally,* the Really Big Shoe:

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
                 E-METRICS SUMMIT, Santa Barbara, June 25-26
Senior executives and eCommerce managers explore ways to
measure Web effectiveness. Vital presentations will set the
stage - participants will set the agenda. Not a trade show -
a forum for discovery. How do you measure Web site success?

http://www.targetingemetrics.com/fsa
But you knew that already...

For a further look ahead, there's always:

http://www.targeting.com/upcoming.html

Target Marketing
211 E. Victoria St., Suite E
Santa Barbara, CA 93101
+1 (805) 965-3184 phone
+1 (805) 965-8687 fax

www.targeting.com