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Sterne Measures |
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Full Sterne Aheadby Jim Sterne
May, 2000 Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web marketing consultant to business and industry. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- This month I find more at fault than any one month deserves in When Will They Ever Learn?, get serious about measuring Web site success in Resource of Note, meet a God of customer service in the flesh in While I Was Out, gaze upon digital video in The Crystal Ball, receive constructive criticism In My In-Box, get spoon-fed my own advice in The Big Idea, encourage you to do what I do not just what I say in You Can Do It, discover yet another One Of My Favorite Buttons, play with an animated Erector Set in Silly Sighting of the Moment, and get lucky in Classic Comment. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- WHEN WILL THEY EVER LEARN? -------------------------- So many mistakes, so little time.... 1. Water Lizards This one was so good, I forwarded it to Mark Gibbs who already published it in his wonderful "Backspin" column in Network World magazine. If you've already read it there, I promise it's worth a repeat performance. Kent Davis marketing & entertainment" - catchy) wrote to me last month about my mention of "M-Commerce" domains being snapped up: > I spent 5 years in Thailand and learned to speak, > read and write fluent Thai along the way (and I > wasn't in a Thai prison, despite what you may have > heard). Starting just last year, I noticed people begin > buying Thai-related domains like crazy. One trend was to > buy "e" and "i" names (eThailand, iThailand, eThai, iThai, > etc.). > > Many of these were bought by foreigners who (evidently) > don't speak Thai (and many were bought by Thais caught > up in the fever). What's interesting is that in the spoken > Thai language, the "eee" sound *clearly* means "bitch." > Actually, it's _much_ more insulting than just "bitch." > It's actually the term for a female animal and if used > referring to a *human* female - well somebody's gonna get > physically hurt. It's incredibly rude. > > It is about the *only* name you can call a Thai person > that would get them madder than calling them a "water lizard." > Wow! > > Oh. The "i" sound? It means "bastard." > > Naturally both "iThailand" and "eThailand" are on-line. 2. Don't Call Us We Won't Call You Ralph Wilson (www.wilsonweb.com) sent me this, which was sent to him by Chris Bain, photography director at Barnes & Noble Publishing, who was quoting an e-mail he got from ATI Technical Support (www.ati.com) Still with me? > Thank you for contacting ATI Technical Support. This is an > AUTOMATIC RESPONSE which confirms that your email > has been > received at our server. Please do not reply to this message. > > We are currently experiencing a delay of approximately 13-14 > days in responding to incoming emails. Rest assured that > someone will respond to your email as soon as possible. > We apologize for any inconvenience this delay may cause. Imagine all the packets they could save by simply saying, "Don't call us and we'll be happy to ignore you." 3. Maybe They *Should* Determine Who Gets Those Domains. Of the innumerable spams I received this past month this one takes the cake: > May 01, 2000 > > Dear Direct Marketing Professional, > > Join OPT-IN INC for our 1st annual. Invitation only, FUN IN > THE SUN Direct Internet Marketing Conference... Who sent me this spam? The VP Marketing and Sales for Optininc.com Opt In Inc indeed. Pathetic. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- RESOURCE OF NOTE ---------------- E-Metrics: Business Metrics For The New Economy How do you spell Web site success? Matt Cutler from Net Genesis and I surveyed 20 Web managers from top Web sites (like Charles Schwab, Barns & Noble, iVillage, Microsoft, Red Herring, well... you get the idea) and asked them. In a nut shell, those surveys revealed that people know full well that they have the data. What they don't have is the time or the people to glean the real gold out of them, thar log files. So Matt and I proposed a double handful of formulas to calculate how well things are going on your site. The intention is to start the conversation going and see if we can come up with some standards to use across all sites. Even if I do say so myself, this white paper is worth a look. I'm especially happy with the drawing of The Customer Life Cycle Funnel It's free and available for download at www.netgen.com/emetrics ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- WHILE I WAS OUT --------------- We announced the above-mentioned Emetrics paper on the first of May at the Net Genesis User Group Conference in Boston. During my moment in the sun up on stage, I was talking about measuring your communication effectiveness. "Answer your e-mail!" is my usual battle cry. This time, I also talked about how 1800Flowers.com is making use of one-to-one chat. I showed screen shots of my chat session with one woman who, when asked what it was like, answered, "Busy!" Before I could finish apologizing, she had transferred me to her supervisor. Marc was very gracious and gave me the inside scoop on managing e-chatters, which I like to share with my audiences. At the end of my presentation, one of the people who came to the podium to speak with me was actually *from* 1800Flowers - a Net Genesis customer. He thanked me for showing their site and saying nice things about them. "Oh," he said, pointing to the young man next to him, "and I'd like to introduce you to Marc." I was stunned. The chat conversation occurred and the screen shots were taken over a year ago. Yet, here was the real Marc Noel standing before me. Do you know what it feels like to meet a celebrity in person? I do. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- THE CRYSTAL BALL ---------------- On March 21, Wired News reported that Bell Labs have moved data over fiber-optic cable at 3.28 terabits per second. "At this rate, Lucent's fiber in one second could transmit three times the volume of daily Internet traffic for the whole world." So - is broadband coming? Real broadband where video-phones will become as common as San Jose traffic jams? Oh, yes. Is it coming soon? The answer is not clear at this time. And if you shake that Mystic 8 Ball again, it'll say: "Try again later." But The Crystal Ball says: "Start thinking about how you're going to use it for business." Yes, the Big Boys will turn TV interactive and customer service reps all over the world will have to invest in new wardrobes, but what happens to Web content for the typical company? With digital video becoming the norm, the marketer's task of creating brochures and direct mail pieces and Web sites will expand to include short product infomercials for quick viewing. Product managers will be showing off their skills at documenting how to install toner cartridges. Film technique classes anybody? ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- MY IN-BOX --------- Cindy Reeves chastised me with the subject line: "pretty sad, you know better..." > Agilent Technologies (formerly part of Hewlett-Packard) > uses e-mail aliases. So if I just send an e-mail to you > from my Agilent address to your unsubscribe@targeting.com > e-mail address, the listserv program won't recognize my > e-mail address as being on your list (at least, the majority > of listserv programs don't). I subscribed as > agilent.com, but my e-mail address sent via e-mail is > actually myaddress@am.exch.agilent.com. So I went to your > site, looking for the option to put in my e-mail address > and unsubscribe, but I couldn't. Yes - sad. Yes - I know better. Cindy, thanks for the lashes with the wet noodle. Another lesson for us all... You will now find the "Unsubscribe Instructions" link right there on the home page. Sigh. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- THE BIG IDEA - "Ask Them" ------------ Joel Rothblatt business plans. Just before the April Internet World conference in LA, he wrote and asked: > I was just curious why you didn't mention your > numerous speaking gigs at Internet World this week. So I wrote back: > Well, Joel - you're the second one to ask > me about that. Ann Handley from ClickZ had the exact same inquiry not two days earlier. I wrote back: > I just like this thing being completely promotion-free. > My appearances are posted at > www.targeting.com/upcoming.html > and I guess I figure that's enough. Just before I was to be introduced to my fifth Internet World audience of the week, Joel came up, introduced himself and asked again. I had been talking to Bill Carmody Chief Marketing Officer at Seismicom, (integrated marketing promotions) company, who had been introducing me throughout the week. So I turned to Bill and asked what *he* thought about putting that sort of promotional stuff into a content- only, advertising-free, e-newsletter. I fully expected to be sold on the value I was offering readers and why blatant self promotion was a wonderful thing. He said, "I've heard this Jim Sterne guy give a couple of presentations and I know what *he'd* say..." "Oh?" I asked, fully intrigued and wildly flattered. "Ask your readers" My response? "D'oh!" and a sharp slap to the forehead. So - let me ask you: Do you want me to include a brief bit about where I'll be appearing and when my books are coming out and such? Just click on the choice and hit send - I'll report the tally next time: mailto:NoWay@targeting.com mailto:YesPlease@targeting.com ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- YOU CAN DO IT ------------- This newsletter is brought to you by Sparklist. No - they're not underwriting my musings and I'm not getting free services by plugging them. They're running the listserver that I'm using to send you this missive. So it is *literally* brought to you by Sparklist. So where's the You Can Do It in that? You can write your own newsletter. Open up the conversation with your constituents. Fire up the customer relationship management machine and get it into first gear. Think outsourcing at every turn and you too can take advantage of all the different tools that are out there. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ONE OF MY FAVORITE BUTTONS -------------------------- Got A Question? AskIt! That's what the button says and it acts a little like Ask Jeeves, but with a twist. When a site visitor asks a question, AskIt! comes up with nearest questions and answers. If they're not a close enough match, another click turns the question into an e-mail for your response center to respond to. The reply is then dropped into the knowledgebase along with the question and pretty soon, all of your most frequently asked questions are in there. And they're an ASP so it's a no stress, no fuss implementation. And the cost for using this system starts out at Free. Full disclosure: I have no financial investment in this company. Dang. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- SILLY SIGHTING OF THE MOMENT ----------------------------- I have Brent Kincaid to thank for passing this one along. www.sodaplay.com/constructor/index.htm ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- CLASSIC COMMENT --------------- From an old friend who did very well in the recent acquisition of ArrowPoint by Cisco: "Luck is what happens when smart, hardworking people are in the right place at the right time." Well done, Jeff. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- How about you? I'm interested in what is on *your* mind. What issues are you facing these days? Drop me a line. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- This newsletter is going to be better if it reaches more people. You can help. The Net is a powerful word-of-mouth mechanism, so if you know somebody who might like to be on the receiving end, please point them to www.targeting.com or have them send a message to subscribe@targeting.com. And I'll bet you know what will happen if you send a message to unsubscribe@targeting.com. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web marketing consultant to business and industry. Copyright 2000 - Target Marketing of Santa Barbara |
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