Target Marketing -- Full Sterne Ahead -June, 2000

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Full Sterne Ahead

by Jim Sterne

June, 2000

Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web marketing consultant to business and industry.

Welcome to the June, 2000 issue of Full Sterne Ahead.

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

This month the Web and the phone are mis-used in When Will
They Ever Learn?, we take a moment for relaxation in Resource
of Note, I wander from Berlin to Big Sky Country in While I
Was Out, argue the finer points of opt-in e-mail in the
Crystal Ball, thank you for your votes In My In-Box, press
the importance of newsletter value in The Big Idea, encourage
you to interview Web hosting companies carefully in You Can
Do It, regret a waste of in-flight marketing in Don't Try
This at Home, create your own ads in Silly Sighting of the
Moment, am astonished by Swiss protocol in Classic Comment,
and round up the whole thing with a Shameless Plug (hey,
you voted for it!).
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WHEN WILL THEY EVER LEARN?
--------------------------
FreeDrive let's you store your files on their servers - for free.
Well, almost free. Kelli Covey from Fry Multimedia found out
the hard way. Kelli wrote:

   > Hi Jim,
   > Just received this unsolicited email from a MP3 site that
   > I use occasionally.  I decided to unsubscribe, and was
   > surprised to see the caveat at the bottom.  Have you seen
   > this before?   I thought I was sick to death of hearing
   > about permission marketing, but then I see this, and I
   > remember why it's not so bad.

   > > If you wish to be removed from this list please read the
   > > following: We can remove you from the email list, however
   > > it is tied to the functionality of the Freedrive that you
   > > set up.  We use this weekly mailing to alert FreeDrivers
   > > of changes.  We would have to delete your FreeDrive to
   > > take you off the list. If you no longer want your
   > > FreeDrive simply login to your FreeDrive, go to the
   > > Admin folder, and select the delete feature.

Read our spam or we'll delete your files! Somebody needs to
work on their relationship management techniques.
----
Kate Levy (with one of the more interesting domain names I've
seen) had a problem with clothier Talbots. She sent them an
e-mail - and got no response. So she went to their site and
filed a grievance. The response was, well, short sighted:

   > From: Brian.Langton@talbots.com
   > Sent: Thursday, May 18, 2000 10:43 AM
   > To: kate.levy@intelsat.int
   > Subject: Email inquiry
   >
   > Dear Ms. Levy:
   >
   > Thank you for visiting our website and letting
   > us know that you have not received a response to
   > your email.  Please accept our apologies for
   > any inconvenience you have been caused.
   >
   > I want you to know that I would be happy to assist
   > you.  Please feel free to email me your inquiry
   > and I will respond to your concerns as soon as I
   > hear from you.
   >
   > Thank you again for contacting us, Ms. Levy.
   >
   > Sincerely,
   > Brian Langton
   > Customer Service

Translation: "Thank you for taking the time and trouble to send
us notification of your problem. Now, please, send it again."
Cordial, polite, and missing the mark by a mile.
----
Next up is an e-mail I sent in desperation in response to a
voice mail I received:

  Subject: Please pass this along to Paul Querco? Creevo? Cuervo? -

  Hi Paul -

  I got your voice mail, but I wrote down 4994
  as your extension instead of 4944. Numeric dyslexia,
  what can I tell you? As a result, five phone calls
  netted me two people who didn't know you and didn't
  know how to transfer me to an operator, a recording
  that repeated your technical support number, and a
  conference room that was full of people discussing
  things in aggravated tones. They had also never heard
  of you and transferred me to another recording that
  told me of the fabulous benefits of your product, but
  was sorry all of the sales representatives were busy
  and would I like to leave a message?

  After hanging up this single-line phone so I could
  log onto the Web and look up the main number, and
  having dialed back using a hand-held tone generator
  because my Berlin hotel phone couldn't manage tone
  dialing, I was handed off into a voice mail directory
  that also didn't know your name (and/or I didn't know
  how to spell it. Determined, I re-dialed your 888 number
  and was delivered to a residential wrong number.

  Now, with my determination redoubled, I went
  back to the Web to get your regular number and
  gave *that* a shot. Imagine my surprise when an
  actual human answered!! After questioning my
  pronunciation and the spelling of your name, she
  hesitated, using that disturbing "Hmmmmmm" sound
  my dentist makes when reviewing my X-Rays and
  transferred me to a phone with a voice-mail message
  that said, "The person at this extension is not
  available." Having no confidence that it was
  actually your phone, I am writing to you as well.

  Voice mail consulting is a little out of my league,
  but I think your company can immediately increase
  sales with a very minor amount of attention paid
  to your telephonic communications.

  So... how about sending me an e-mail instead?
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RESOURCE OF NOTE
----------------
www.PDAGames.com
To understand why, you'll have to read While I Was Out, below.
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WHILE I WAS OUT
---------------
This year's Internet World conference in Berlin was bigger,
better, and more glitzy than ever. Big Business in Germany has
finally discovered the Web.

There were two-story booths, slinky models in place of trained
sales people (why? WHY?), and strange 'happenings' in the aisles.
I was halted in my progress toward my presentation hall by eight
strapping, smiling, young show stoppers in white coveralls. They
accosted a woman in a business suit, hoisted her over their
shoulders and essentially used her as a human baton. To the beat
of good old Deutsche technomusik, they whirled her this way,
lifted her that way, threw her straight up into the air and
gently set her on her feet a split second before she hit the
ground. (Yes, it turned out she was one of the performers.)

I stood and listened for four minutes, refreshed by the lack
of liability lawyers on hand and trying to figure out what the
display had to do with DSL services. I finally turned to my native
friends and asked what I was missing. "It's all about teamwork!"
they exclaimed. Yes, I knew that, but what did it have to do
with their services? "Oh nothing - but it made you stand and
watch, didn't it?" Bad branding seems to know no borders.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about... I wanted to offer
up a cautionary tale for those glued to this Web business that
I learned in Roundup, Montana. (North out of Billings just
past the fourth or fifth deer crossing the road.) I was up that
way to participate in a weekend gathering of Schipperkes
www.bullmtn.com/oleoranch/sry2k.htm and had spent
the previous five days driving through Yellowstone and marveling
at the Beartooth Highway (highly recommended).

During this cowboy-country gathering of dog lovers, I told my
wife that I had overheard our host talking about working for
Cisco. We shook our heads once again at how pervasive the Web really is.

When it was time to say our good-byes, we invited Warren and
Sandy to visit us in California the next time they got out
to Cisco headquarters. Warren looked puzzled and drawled that
he made it to their main office in Houston a few times a year
but they'd be mighty pleased to see us if they ever made it out
to Santa Barbara.

On our way to the airport the next morning I slapped myself
on the forehead realizing that Warren must work for Sysco "North America's Leading Marketer of Quality Assured Foodservice Products."
Ooops.

The moral of the story - when you see a Web site lurking behind
every door, you need a longer vacation.
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THE CRYSTAL BALL
----------------
June's Crystal Ball reveals that spam will never end, but that
savvy marketers will, indeed, reap the rewards of hard work.

After extolling the virtues of an opt-in-only e-mail newsletter
policy at a recent seminar, one gentleman e-mailed me to explain
that *his* customers were *different*:

  > If this notion of 'permission marketing' takes it's natural
  > course and our other direct marketing tools (such as US mail)
  > become constrained, we wind up backing ourselves into a box
  > canyon that is nearly impossible to get back out of.  I can
  > see the people who we need to communicate with the most
  > pressing the button that says, 'don't mail, email or phone me'.

I replied:

  Right!

  > Then, we're out of the sales and marketing business and
  > into the store front business where we hope people will
  > call us or look at our web/print advertising and maybe
  > buy from us someday - a true kiss of death in our business.

  Wrong!

  > I truly believe that if companies put the 'shotgun' (a.k.a.
  > 'spam') away and invested in database tools to help them
  > truly understand the customers, we'd be 'shooting with a
  > rifle' and could better regulate the value of our com-
  > munications thus delighting customers who would say 'look,
  > an email just for me about solutions for my problems'.

  Shooting with a rifle is still shooting. Spam is in
  the eye of the beholder. You may be smart enough to
  figure our how to send me a message that I care about
  but you'd be a rare bird, indeed.

  > I think much of our concern comes from our own insecurity
  > in our ability to communicate usefully in a one-to-one
  > fashion so, instead of us regulating the communications,
  > we turn the keys of regulation over to our customers who
  > haven't seen much relationship marketing in the past and
  > will often say 'count me out'.

  People will (and do) opt in if they see there is value
  in the anticipated communication. I'm asking you and
  all marketers to admit that our messages haven't been
  as valuable as they might.

  When customers start seeing real, live value from the
  newsletters, notices, tips, tricks, and traps that
  we sent out, they will be happier to subscribe. Those
  who are better value givers will garner more market.
  Just because it's hard doesn't mean it's wrong. It's
  just hard.

  Do it well and reap the rewards of happy, loyal customers.
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MY IN-BOX
---------
My in-box was flooded, I was delighted to see, by FSA readers
who were responding to my poll last issue and voting about
whether I should let you know when I'll be speaking and what
I've been publishing. Here's my favorite:

   > To: YesPlease@targeting.com
   > From: Ron Walsh
   >
   > Dear Mr. Sterne:
   >
   > While I was at Internet World in LA, I happened to catch
   > several of your presentations.  I like your style and what
   > you had to say.  So yes, I don't mind the self promotion,
   > as long as I don't start getting e-mails to buy Finnish
   > herring from your site.

The final tally was 85 in favor and 13 against. Actually, it
was 12 against. *Somebody* voted twice, and you know who you are.

So, as they say on Marketwatch, let's do the numbers...

     Total votes   97   % of voters
     Yes votes     85      88%
     No  votes     12      12%

     Total Subscribers at the time: 3250
                     % of subscribers
     Yes votes           2.62%
     No  votes           0.37%

Is 2 and a half percent a decent response rate? Who cares?
85 to 12 is enough of an indication, that I'll start letting
you know when and where I'll be, etc. However, under the
assumption that more of the non-voters would have voted "No"
I'll put that stuff at the very bottom, with a new section
called "Shameless Plug." When the 12 of you hit that spot
in your FSA's, you can be sure there's nothing else below it
and you can hit the delete key with wild abandon.
Or your index finger.

Now Ron - about those Finnish herring:
http://virtual.finland.fi/finfo/english/gasteng.html
www.redherring.com/mag/issue34/connection.html
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THE BIG IDEA
------------
It's not enough to be OK.

The following showed up in response to the E-Metrics white
paper produced by Net Genesis and yours truly on the first
of May www.netgen.com/emetrics from Geoff Inglis,
Senior Associate Director of Added Value Analysis at BMRB
International www.bmrb.co.uk.

With a title like that, I was all ears (eyes?) and was not
disappointed. Geoff wrote in part:

   > In response to the excellence of your free document, let
   > me share something with you.  In the last few years I
   > researched the effect of Customer Magazines on customer
   > loyalty and was able to show that customers did in
   > fact respond to them with enhanced loyalty.
   >
   > Customers bought more products, learnt more about a
   > company's whole range, were quite happy to say that they
   > thought better about the organisation because of the
   > magazine, were more trusting of a company's objectives
   > etc, etc.
   >
   > There was one proviso.  To achieve these effects, a
   > customer magazine had to be excellent.  Being just 'good'
   > was no good, [ie non-memorable experiences had no effect].
   > One had to delight the customer to get the reward of
   > positive word of mouth.

This from a man who pays very close attention to such things.
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YOU CAN DO IT
-------------
Building a Web site for a small business is not easy. Here's
a cry for help that sounded all too common:

   > Dear Mr. Sterne-
   >
   > This is really a shot in the dark, I need information
   > regarding my web site and I don't know where to turn.
   > I just bought your book from amazon.com and I saw your
   > email address listed and.... there you go!

I replied:

  And here I am!

   > I checked out your book from the library but I haven't
   > had time to read it and it's late now (they are calling
   > me so I have to give it back).

  Uhm... seems you need some time management help.
  Something I am notoriously bad at  ;-)

   > From what I did read, it seems like it's going to be a
   > big help to me but I really need more information on
   > 'What to do when you had a website designed for your
   > business and it stinks and they won't help you'.  Does
   > this happen a lot?

  Yes. Sorry - but it's true.

   > We paid over $7000.00 for our site and it really stinks!
   > Feel free to check it out.

  Believe me when I say that I've seen a lot worse and for
  a lot more money.

   > I am no expert on computers believe me!  But it just seems
   > so wrong that we could pay so much for a shoddy product
   > and we have no rights as consumers.  Maybe that's the way
   > of the game.  I don't know.  But where can I find out
   > if it is?

  Well, you could ask me. And if you ask me, you have a site
  that will carry you until you get something you line better.
  Although, the list of your products that link to broken
  graphics and the bare minimum of information is pretty lame.

   > Please don't think I'm just whining here

  Uhm...

   > (I guess I am)

  Yeah, well...

   > but I want to fix the problem

  Great!

   > and I need to know the best resources.  I also need to
   > fix the problem ASAP since it is my families business.
   > Am I going to have to go back to school or is there a
   > book out there that I need to get.

  There are books, Lee, but you have to read them.
  Sorry about that.

   > Or do we need to hire a web master?  Or how do you learn
   > to be a web master?  I don't think I will ever be allowed
   > to have access to change my HTML format.  They certainly
   > haven't suggested that, and we never have received a copy
   > of our contract.  Oh Calgon, take me away!

  Ha!

   > I really appreciate any feedback what-so-ever.  Even if
   > it's "buck up buttercup, that's the way of the game so
   > shut up and start reading my book!"

  No, I wouldn't say *that*. Well, maybe. Well, I'd have to
  know you better before calling you buttercup, anyway.

  OK - my advice:

  Hire another company to build your Web site.
  Tell them in detail what you don't like about
  the one you have and what you'd like your Web
  site to do for you. Then get ready to spend
  about twice what you have so far.

  Hurts, doesn't it? You can chalk up that previous
  seven grand as tuition to the school of hard knocks.

  How do you find reputable Web developers? Find
  a site you like of a local company and ask them
  who did it and would they recommend them. Then
  check to make sure there isn't a brother-in-law
  connection there somewhere.

  And best of luck!
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DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME
----------------------
I was in my in-flight office, having looked away from the
screen just long enough to avoid yet another assault of Buntings
Window, when I saw the tail end of a paid-for-content report
on something called www.metamarket.com. I didn't take
the time to make detailed notes, but I did write down the URL
for perusal from my in-hotel office.

When I got there, I was greeted by, "Server not found."

For crying out loud.
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SILLY SIGHTING OF THE MOMENT
-----------------------------
With a tip of the beret to Craig Keplinger at
www.art-tech.com
www.sillyads.com
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CLASSIC COMMENT
---------------
The following showed up at the bottom of a much-forwarded joke. The joke was wry, but the following actually made me laugh out loud:

> > This message is for the named person's use only.  It may
> > contain confidential, proprietary or legally privileged
> > information.  No confidentiality or privilege is waived
> > or lost by any mistransmission. If you receive this message
> > in error, please immediately delete it and all copies of it
> > from your system, destroy any hard copies of it and notify
> > the sender.  You must not, directly or indirectly, use,
> > disclose, distribute, print, or copy any part of this
> > message if you are not the intended recipient. CREDIT
> > SUISSE GROUP, CREDIT SUISSE FIRST BOSTON, and
> > each of their subsidiaries each reserve  the right to monitor
> > all e-mail communications through its networks.  Any views
> > expressed in this message are those of the individual sender,
> > except where the message states otherwise and the sender is
> > authorised to state them to be the views of any such entity.
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SHAMELESS PLUG
--------------
For those who missed my latest two books (this year), take
a look at Customer Service on the Internet 2nd Edition
www.targeting.com/book2.html as well as
Email Marketing www.targeting.com/book4.html

If you plan on attending the Customer Relationship Management,
produced by Business Intelligence in London this week, you
can find me talking about Online Customer Service as a Competitive Edge on Thursday, June 29 -  www.crm.bi-uk.com

July has me giving online presentations for my friends at
HP (7/6) and Agilent (7/26) called Web Enabling the Channel.

I will also be front and center on Tuesday, July 11 and Wednesday, July 12 at Internet World in Chicago http://events.internet.com
presenting:

   The Business Side of Managing a Web Site
   Web Site Tune-Up
   The 5 C's of Successful Web Sites
   Customer Service on the Internet

For a further look ahead, there's always:
www.targeting.com/upcoming.html
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How about you?
I'm interested in what is on *your* mind. What issues are
you facing these days? Drop me a line.
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This newsletter is going to be better if it reaches more
people. You can help. The Net is a powerful word-of-mouth
mechanism, so if you know somebody who might like to be on
the receiving end, please point them to www.targeting.com

And I'll bet you know what will happen if you send a message to unsubscribe@targeting.com.
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Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of
Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web marketing consultant
to business and industry.

Target Marketing
211 E. Victoria St., Suite E
Santa Barbara, CA 93101
+1 (805) 965-3184 phone
+1 (805) 965-8687 fax

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