Full Sterne Ahead
by Jim Sterne
June, 2001
Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web marketing consultant to business and industry
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This issue starts out with a couple of news flashes.
Then I lambaste Internet World Magazine in When Will
They Ever Learn?, improve your vocabulary and arm you
in the fight against Spam in Resource of Note, admire
an opt-out business card in While I Was Out, invent
a solution to the Internet confession problem in The
Crystal Ball, rally behind double opt-in in In My In-Box,
admire Procter & Gamble (it's true) in The Big Idea,
put the burden where it belongs in You Can Do It, wonder
if people take pride in their work in Don't Try This
At Home, contemplate evolution in Apology of the Month,
wish for an e-mail upgrade in One of my Favorite Buttons,
am sorely tempted to preside over my own funeral in
Marketing Marvels, am delighted somebody has found a
use for Flash in Silly Sighting of the Moment, ponder the
scope of the Internet in Who'd Have Guessed?, and ask
CRM vendors to shoe their children in Classic Comment.
And, yes, I'm still wandering the globe in Shameless Plug.
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SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
--------------------
I'm never sure when it will happen - it's always a
surprise. So I was delighted to see the words, "Usually
ships within 24 hours," next to the third edition of
World Wide Web Marketing at Amazon.
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0471416215/targetmarketingA/
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SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT II
-----------------------
For those of you who have not been subscribers since
October, 1998, you can now find out what all the fuss
has been about because the Full Sterne Ahead Archives
are now open for business at:
www.targeting.com/fullsterne.html
Life is good.
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WHEN WILL THEY EVER LEARN?
--------------------------
If you've been in direct marketing (junk mail) for more
that ten minutes, you've come across the idea of an opt-
out database.
Here's a conversation I had trying to explain the
absurdity of that idea as applied to e-mail with
Internet World Magazine of all people:
www.targeting.com/iwSpam.html
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RESOURCE OF NOTE
----------------
Thanks to Tristan Louis for
a pointer to the following to counter the previous:
www.suespammers.org
And...
Need to verbally impress the boss? Need to spice up that
brochure? Need to understand just what the rest of those
brochures are going on about?
http://info.astrian.net/jargon
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WHILE I WAS OUT
---------------
After sharing a jelly fish dinner at a swanky Chinese
restaurant in London with Sam Michel (newlywed and
maestro of the UK Net Marketing discussion list to be
found at http://www.chinwag.com/uk-netmarketing),
I decided it was high time I re-subscribed to the
active intercourse. I was immediately rewarded with
the following:
From: "Tim Ireland"
To: uk-netmarketing@lists.chinwag.com
Subject: a data protection question
Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2001 16:29:16 +0100
> From: "Tom Samuels"
> > question: is it a data protection no-no to contact
> > (via SMS or e-mail) business contacts who have
> > handed over their business cards to us, and asking
> > them to opt in to receiving further contacts?
> >
> > Tom Samuels
> > getmapping
Tim responded:
> Note to self - new business card design to include
> the following opt-out message:
>
> "This card is given as contact information only and
> is for the exclusive use of the direct recipient only.
> Occasionally you might like to contact me by post,
> telephone, mobile text message or email with generic
> news about your products and services, or products
> and services of carefully selected third parties.
> By marking this box, I am telling you to f**k off
> out of it. [X]"
>
> Oh, and while I'm about it, I may as well add:
>
> "This card serves the express purpose of providing you
> with my details as part of an agreement (in principle)
> that we might do business someday. Writing somebody
> else's number on the back, using it to pad out the
> card-holder you got for Christmas or attaching it
> to the spokes of your bike violates this agreement."
>
> Tim Ireland
> Director of Marketing
> www.designercity.com
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THE CRYSTAL BALL
----------------
By now you've all heard the news and I hope you've had
enough time to recover. Archbishop John Foley, in his
finite wisdom, has ruled out the Internet as a means
of delivering confessions and seeking absolution.
http://www.cwnews.com/news/viewrec.cfm?RefNum=15669
As soon as his speech was finished, my Crystal Ball
sprang to life with one word:
Absolvster
Every computer on the Web would have a small text file
filled with contrition activities (say one Our Father
and five Hail Marys). Everybody online could send a
double-encrypted confession out into Webspace and whichever
Absolvster participant was closest, or most in need of
doling out forgiveness (see Marketing Marvels, below)
would respond with the appropriate penance.
We knew the Pope and Madonna had something in common,
but the Crystal Ball reveals His Holiness teaming up
with Metallica and Dr. Dre. Is it time for some Windex?
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MY IN-BOX
---------
First this from a newsletter I had never heard of -
At 03:44 PM 3/22/01, Info wrote:
> Mr. Sterne,
>
> I could not find your e-mail address listed in our
> database, neither did I have an entry for your name.
> Is it possible that you are getting the LTC Bullets
> at another address, or that a friend or coworker
> has forwarded them to you? I would like to assist you
> however I can in resolving this situation. Thank you
> for your patience and understanding.
Then this -
From: Avery
To: Laura D'Andrea
Subject: Great Results...
Reply-To: info@Averygreatresults.com
Organization: Avery Dennison
>
> Dear Miss Laura D'Andrea,
>
> Staying ahead in today's market requires effective
> business communications, and having access to the
> latest innovations can help your business stand out.
> Cutting edge technology can pop up in some interesting
> places... like your labels! Whether you use a Laser
> or an Ink Jet printer, Avery labels provide the
> innovation and quality
[snip]
> Sincerely,
> Raymond Yip Choy
> Consumer Marketing Manager
> Avery Dennison Office Products
>
> You are currently subscribed to Avery Dennison Canada
> as laura@targeting.com.
My reply came with the subject: The Importance of Double
Opt-In
> Dear Raymond Yip Choy -
>
> Here we have a fine example of why double opt-in is
> an important concept.
>
> Miss Laura D'Andrea decided to subscribe to your
> wonderful newsletter. Miss Laura did not, however,
> take the time to confirm that the e-mail address
> she supplied was correct. The result? The address
> ends up on my desk and I am
> left holding the unsubscribe bag. Very bad for
> building good will among the general population.
> What a shame.
>
> Please spend your precious time correcting this
> mistake, rather than put the onus on me.
>
> Thank you for your attention.
> Live and learn
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THE BIG IDEA
------------
Be proactive. That's it. That's this month's Big Idea.
No, I don't mean advertise aggressively, although that
can't hurt. I mean treat people to a freebie. The word
of mouth response is the best advertising you can get.
Here's a classic example from Marnie, the editor at John
Wiley & Sons who proof-read my latest volume of World
Wide Web Marketing:
To: Jim Sterne
From: mwielage@wiley.com
Subject: Something Kinda Cool!
Date: Wed, 30 May 2001 12:01:56 -0400
>
> Hi Jim:
>
> How are you? Something really cool happened today that
> I thought I'd share with you...
>
> While I was proofing Web Marketing, 3E, I ran across
> the URL for reflect.com and thought I'd take a spin
> around the site. I played around for a while and wound
> up customizing some foundation to see how the site
> worked. I bailed before checkout because I never
> really had any intention to buy--your description
> in the book was cool and sparked my interest. That
> was about three-four weeks ago. Today, I got a nicely
> packaged little box from reflect.com with a
> complimentary sample of the foundation I designed. I
> immediately thought of everything I'd learned from
> your book and thought you'd get a kick out of the
> story. Considering how many sites lose customers'
> interest before checkout, I thought this was a pretty
> cool little marketing scheme... If I love the
> foundation, they've got me!
Marnie told me. Now I'm telling you.
Works pretty well, doesn't it?
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YOU CAN DO IT
-------------
The reasons I like this segment is that it reminds me
to think of those of us who do not have multi-million
dollar budgets, who do not have corporate support
infrastructures, and who do not have giant datawarehouses
of customer information to sift through. You Can Do It
is intended for everybody.
But the key ingredient required to accomplish the things
you *can* do, is the discipline to get them done. So this
month, I point you to www.ihavegoals.com where you can
identify what you want to do (be it in your business, your
career, or your life), plan to get it done (step by step)
and get help getting it done (motivation, tricks, tips,
advice from coaches).
You can do it - - - but you have to do it.
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DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME
----------------------
I often wish that e-mail systems included spell-check
for the Subject filed. Until then:
From: specialtyfoodnews@foodinstitute.com
To: jsterne@targeting.com
Subject: Specialty Fod News [tm] - Friday
> Apr. 27, 2001
>
> Starbucks Corp. is hoping to capitalize on lower real-
> estate prices and open 100 more stores than the 1,100
> previously announced. Worldwide, Starbucks operates
> 4,135 coffee stores, reported The Wall Street Journal.
[snip]
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APOLOGY OF THE MONTH
--------------------
From: Aaron Vincent
Subject: Fwd: an apology
To: jsterne@targeting.com
I thought you might get a kick out of this apology...
I like a company that can admit to being lower on the
food chain than a rhesus monkey. :)
Aaron
--- editor@fiercewireless.com wrote:
> Date: Mon, 16 Apr 2001 12:58:16 -0500
> Subject: an apology
> To: aaron_vincent@whatwire.com
> From: editor@fiercewireless.com
>
> Dear Reader,
>
> Our collective IQ seems to have hit a new low while
> we were updating our Web site -- even Rhesus monkeys
> may have had an edge on us....
>
> In any case, we may have sent you bad links to the
> latest issues. Please accept my apology for any
> inconvenience. We will make every effort to not
> let it happen again.
>
> Let me know if you have any additional comments or
> concerns. We always welcome your input.
>
> best regards,
>
> Jeff Giesea
> Publisher
> www.fiercewireless.com
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ONE OF MY FAVORITE BUTTONS
--------------------------
One of my favorite buttons WOULD be something that we've
needed for a long time.
All e-mail client software should come with a Bounce
button. One click, and spammers get the message that
yours is not an active address. They will not benefit
from selling it to the next 400 spammers.
Guess I'll have to wait for it.
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MARKETING MARVELS
-----------------
To: <184@netposta.net>
From: buadq@home.ro
Subject: Perform Baptisms!
>
> Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a
> LEGALLY ORDAINED MINISTER within 48 hours!!!!
>
> BE ORDAINED NOW!
>
> As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the
> rites and ceremonies of the church!!
>
> WEDDINGS
> MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!!
> Don't settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES' MAID
> Most states require that you register your certificate
> (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting
> the ceremony.
>
> FUNERALS
> A very hard time for you and your family
> Don't settle for a minister you don't know!!
> Most states require that you register your certificate
> (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting
> the ceremony.
>
> BAPTISMS
> You can say "WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!! I AM YOUR
> MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!!" What a special way to
> welcome a child of God.
>
> FORGIVENESS OF SINS
> The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of
> sins for centuries
> **Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in
> sincerity and willingness to change for the better!!
>
> VISIT CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES
> Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit
> others in need!!
> Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed
> from the flock
>
> WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH??
> After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own
> congregation!!
Too many choices! Like the Lottery - what would you
do first? Marry your sister or go to a correctional
facility?
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SILLY SIGHTING OF THE MOMENT
----------------------------
Nooflat: http://www.nooflat.nu
Yahoo! Picks of the Week http://www.yahoo.com/picks
refers to it as "a tremendous waste of time." Yep
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WHO'D HAVE GUESSED?
-------------------
From The Los Angeles Times, 15 May 2001:
Cisco Systems has announced its support for Internet
Protocol version 6 (IPv6), an attempt to expand the
number of unique Internet Protocol (IP) addresses
available from 4.2 billion to 80 octillion.
Will even *that* be enough? First, we have to determine
whether they're speaking English or American. According
to The American Heritage Dictionary of the English
Language: Fourth Edition (2000) Octillion is either:
1. The cardinal number equal to 10 to the 27th.
or
2. (Chiefly British) The cardinal number equal to 10
to the 48th.
The Dictionary of Difficult Words spells it out quite
clearly as either a million septillions or a thousand
septillions.
For those who need to visualize, 10 to the 27th looks
like this: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. So just
picture 80 of those and you'll know how we'll attach all
of our toasters and refrigerators and microwave ovens and
wristwatches and running shoes to the Internet.
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CLASSIC COMMENT
---------------
From: Bill Houle
To: jsterne@targeting.com
Subject: customer relationship (mis)management
>
> The PeopleSoft "have a salesperson contact me" form
> is pretty cool (not). An accurately filled out form
> results in a 404 style "Your browser sent a request
> that was not understood" error message.
>
> Meanwhile, a have-them-call-me form at SAP *finally*
> resulted in an automated was-received-and-will-be-
> responded message after one week. I wonder how much
> longer before I actually get to talk to someone?
>
> It worries me when CRM vendors don't have good
> customer response systems...
Indeed, Bill. Indeed.
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SHAMELESS PLUG
---------------
Where in the world is Jim Sterne?
What day is it?
On July 10 and 11 I'll be back in Chicago for Internet
World. I'll be up to my old tricks, informing anybody
within the sight of my PowerPoint about:
Eight Ways to a Great Customer Service Site
The Business Side of Managing a Web Site
Measuring Success: Beyond the Valley of the Server Logs
The Successful Business-To-Business Web Site
I plan to make the best of August by catching up on
several large projects that have taken a back seat to
my spending so much time in business class.
On September 6 and 7, you can find me in Houston at the
Tenagra conference - New Digital Economy: Survival of
the Fittest http://www.survival.tenagra.com Between
a keynote and a full-day seminar, I'll be in fine form.
Then it's back in Sao Paulo on September 17 and 18 doing
a two-day seminar on Web marketing and online customer
relationships hosted by my friends at HSM Eventos
Internacionais http://www.hsm.com.br/smp.htm
On September 27, I'll be keynoting the Orbit/COMDEX
conference in Zurich http://www.orbitcomdex.com
Then I play human ping pong ball from Zurich to San
Francisco for the Customer Service Management conference
to give a full day workshop on September 30 called The
Seven Silver Bullets of Online Customer Service Success.
http://www.csm-us.com/csm2001/consession.asp?action=13
That's followed the next day by a one hour session
called Person to Person about linking people together
http://www.csm-us.com/csm2001/session.asp?c=5&action=24
From that ping, it's time to pong to New York in time
for Internet World where I'll be on the 3rd and 4th
of October.
http://www.internetworld.com/events/fall2001/index.jsp
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How about you?
I'm interested in what is on *your* mind. What issues are
you facing these days? Drop me a line.
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This newsletter is going to be better if it reaches more
people. You can help. The Net is a powerful word-of-mouth
mechanism, so if you know somebody who might like to be on
the receiving end, please point them to http://www.targeting.com
or have them send a message to subscribe@targeting.com.
And I'll bet you know what will happen if you send a
message to unsubscribe@targeting.com.
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Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of
Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web marketing consultant
to business and industry.
Copyright 2001 - Target Marketing of Santa Barbara
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