Target Marketing -- Full Sterne Ahead -July, 1999

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Full Sterne Ahead

by Jim Sterne

July, 1999

Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web marketing consultant to business and industry.

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Welcome to the July, 1999 issue of Full Sterne Ahead. This
issue is reaching you on the last day of the month. Why?
Maybe it's summer time and I spent too much time outdoors.
Maybe I've simply waited too long to get started. But it's
not because things are any less interesting on the Internet.

This issue wonders why Eddie Bauer isn't more helpful
in When Will They Ever Learn?, goes looking for those lost
pages in Resource of Note, receives a fax In My In-Box, looks
at Channel Portals in The Big Idea, gives Dell a piece of
my mind in Don't Try This At Home, points to a brilliant
spoof-spam in Classic Comment, and plays around a little
in Silly Sighting Of The Moment.
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WHEN WILL THEY EVER LEARN?
--------------------------
From:     Glen Clark
To:       imedia@eddiebauer.com
Subject:  Merchandise Exchange?

Customer Service,

I purchased a short-sleeve shirt (item #0343044721) on
5/22/98 (order #458 122 61), but I got the wrong size
(an XL instead of a LARGE).  I haven't worn it because
it is too big, but I really like the shirt.  Is it still
possible to exchange it?

Please let me know.

Thanks,

Glen Clark

--------
The reply came *two weeks* later:
--------

To:       Glen Clark
Subject:  EB/Merchandise Exchange/ej
Organization: eddie bauer

Dear Mr. Clark,

Thank you for your email.  I apologize for our delay in
response.  Due to an unexpectedly high volume of online
orders and emails, we have been unable to maintain our
normal time frame for answering emails.

You may certainly arrange an exchange if the item is
still available in the preferred color and size.  I
would recommend calling our Customer Satisfaction
Department directly at 1-800-426-6253 to arrange the
best option for you.

I hope this is helpful.  Please let us know if we can be
of further assistance in the future.

Sincerely,

Beth
Interactive Media Department
Eddie Bauer, Inc.

Imedia@eddiebauer.com
www.eddiebauer.com
--------

While this is not an Internet faux-pas of extreme proportions,
it's still an opportunity to learn.

Somehow I expect Eddie Bauer to realize the importance of
a timely and truly helpful response. Two weeks is waaay
too long. We don't care about your understaffing problems.
We're glad we can exchange the item, but why don't you
take a quick look and tell *us* if it's available? And,
finally, how about having the Customer Satisfaction
Department call us, instead of instructing us to call them?

Just a thought.

And thanks for sharing, Glen.
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RESOURCE OF NOTE
----------------
Everything you ever wanted to know about Files when they're
Not Found can be found at www.plinko.net/404/.
And face it, a 404 page like this:
www.targeting.com/bogus.html
can't hold a candle to a 404 like this:
www.ibm.com/bogus.html
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MY IN-BOX
---------
This month my e-mail in-box has a fax in it. It's easy, it's
free and it's very useful for those of us on the road a lot,
or using the fax line to dial-up to the Internet all day long.
www.efax.com
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THE BIG IDEA
------------
July's Big Idea comes to you courtesy of Siebel Systems.
No, they're not sponsoring this newsletter. If I had sponsors,
I'd have to produce this on a schedule and get every word
pre-approved. [shudder]

No - Siebel is mentioned here because I dropped in on Kevin
Nix who's a senior product director of their call center and
service products. Mr. Nix handed me a Big Idea:

                 Channel Portals.

Now, we all know that extranets allow your customers to
log into your intranet and place orders, check stock on
hand all that good stuff. But what happens if you have
distributors, dealers, value-added resellers, etc.? How do
you properly workflow a sales lead or a plea for help?

In their own words: "Siebel eChannel allows organizations
to route leads, opportunities, accounts, and service requests
to the appropriate channel using configurable business rules
and track their performance on all assigned items."

The Big Idea is that there *is* a way to share customer
relationship information and monitor your sales channels
so that everybody benefits.
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DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME
----------------------
I wrote the following in reply to a message received from
a customer service person @Dell.com who wrote:
---------------------------
>Jim,
>
>Please accept my apologies with the confusion on your order.

Thanks.

>At Dell our mission is to provide the best quality and
>support and for that I hope we can provide a more positive
>experience for you.  Thank you for submitting your comments
>and suggestions and for reporting your concerns to us at
>Gigabuys.

I'm glad to think that my observations are noticed.

>Our Grand Opening has proven quite successful.  I have
>forwarded your concerns regarding the problems you have
>found on our website.  Our Gigabuys website is interactive
>with our Dell.online Store, however, our customer support
>for Gigabuys is a team separate from our dell on-line
>customer support.  It seems as though your original com-
>munication was being handled by the dell.online customer
>support.  If you have any questions in the future, the
>Gigabuys customer support team will be more than happy to
>assist you at Gigabuys_support@dell.com.

Er - so the form I filled out on the GigaBuys Help pages
went to the wrong person? Let me suggest you don't share
that with other customers - it doesn't raise confidence.

>Based on the Return Request Form you filled out, you had
>noted that the box was not open, therefore, I did not charge
>you at 15% repackaging fee.  We don't believe in charging
>a 15% restocking fee, however, if the box is open, we are
>charged a 15% repackaging fee by our distributor.  This
>fee is not negotiable, nor are we able to resell the product
>as new because the manufacturer seal is broken.  I will
>leave your Credit Return Authorization as 100% credit of
>the product and again apologize for the less than positive
>experience you've had.

I checked that box because I didn't *want* to be charged
a fee that seemed uncalled for and excessive.

If you're forced to charge me 15% because I opened the box
and unwrapped the plastic cover of the computer case so I
could examine it - then you do what you must and I'll do
what I must - decline the charge when it shows up on my
credit card.

Megan - this is not really an e-mail to you, it's to the
people to whom you forwarded my previous concerns.

Your repackaging policy is a fine example of shaving too
much off the price in order to be competitive. It is logical
and may be deemed as sound by those who run the spreadsheets.
But here's the effect you have on the consumer:

   Why sure, Mr. Customer! You can buy this product and
   we garr-ann-TEE it to be the finest in the land, no
   foolin' and you can get all your money back no questions
   asked.

   Oh - just one itty-bitty thing - we're sure you'll understand -
   when you get the package, we want you to shake it, x-ray it,
   hold it up to the light, smell it, weigh it, and press it
   against your forehead. If you don't like it - you can send
   it RIGHT back to us and we'll happily refund your money.
   Really! We promise!

   But - now pay attention here - should you have the temerity
   to open it up and actually LOOK at the product before you
   decide... Well! Then we'll have no choice but to reach
   right into your credit card and pinch a bit for the guys
   in the back room who are going to have to figure out a
   way to put some more packing tape on the box. And you
   KNOW how expensive *that* can be.

   Y'all have a nice day :-)

I'd have happily paid an additional $2 per order in exchange
for a money-back guarantee that was real.

>Please reply to this e-mail if I can be of further assistance
>regarding your order.

Megan - you have been a gem - thoughtful and diligent and
I thank you for your time and trouble. Just don't expect to
see my cookie hanging around Gigabuys too often in the near
future.
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CLASSIC COMMENT
---------------
More than a comment - it's a column.  I try my best to
come up with stuff that's fresh and useful -- and original.
But this time, I'm braking the rules to point you to the
preeminent, ultimate spam.

Next time somebody asks you for a serious answer about
why spam is bad, and they don't understand that it's
simply evil, point them to Mark Gibbs masterpiece:
"Offers, Rumors and Exclamations!!!  It's True!!" at:
www.gibbs.com (available after midnight tonight) so they
can see what sort of crowd they'd be running with.
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SILLY SIGHTING OF THE MOMENT
-----------------------------
What's that chasing my cursor?
www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373
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Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of
Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web marketing consultant
to business and industry.

Target Marketing
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