Full Sterne Aheadby Jim Sterne
September, 2000 Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web marketing consultant to business and industry. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- This month Kristin Zhivago puts her foot down in When Will They Ever Learn?, Jakob Neilsen goes on the road in Resource of Note, I learn how to write a newsletter in While I Was Out, passwords go to heaven in the Crystal Ball, salt and plug-ins show up In My In-Box, personal pages appear in You Can Do It, Jakob Neilsen is sighted yet again in The Big Idea, time travel is needed in Don't Try This at Home, the car radio hosts One of My Favorite Buttons, e-mail paranoia shows up in Silly Sighting of the Moment, and customers get what's coming to them in Classic Comment. ------- ------- -- ----- ------- ------- ------- ------- WHEN WILL THEY EVER LEARN? -------------------------- After a long round of surfing the Toshiba Web site, marketing consultant and eBusiness authority Kristin Zhivago sent an e-mail asking about the availability of the Libretto or something similar. Their reply was - skimpy - > To: kristin@zhivago.com > > We appreciate your email and the opportunity to assist > you with your request to purchase Toshiba computer products. > > Toshiba America now offers it's consumers the opportunity > to shop online. Please visit the link below to purchase > Toshiba products. > >Go to www.shoptoshiba.com This was followed by helpful instructions on how to use the online "cart" targeted at the mental acuity of a three year old. Kristin wrote to me: > I hereby submit this Toshiba response to my initial > question to your "Sterne Hall of Shame." > > Disgusting. > > Of course, I already KNEW I could shop for a laptop at > the Toshiba site, and had gone through the whole thing > looking for a 'puter that would solve the problem I > described in my note to Toshiba. Not to mention they > misspelled "its," one of my pet peeves. But I could have > forgiven that if they'd actually responded to my question > instead of treating me like an idiot and sending me back > to their site so I could NOT FIND the computer I wanted... > AGAIN. I suppose I could send another email saying, > PERHAPS YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME THE FIRST TIME, > fully expecting to get another automated response. > > One to one, my foot. ----- -- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- RESOURCE OF NOTE ---------------- This is a first. It's the first time somebody has qualified for Resource of Note a second time. Plus, it's the first time I've succumbed to the siren call of affiliate programs. Why? Jakob Neilsen and crew are going out on the road and I recommend you attend and pay attention - www.targeting.com/recommend.html ------- ------- ------ - ------- ------- ------- ------- WHILE I WAS OUT --------------- I thoroughly enjoyed the company of my fellow marketers/judges at our meeting in Boston for the ClickZ MessageMedia Email Excellence Awards. After reviewing just south of 200 newsletters, and being a newsletter writer myself, I'm compelled to encourage you to do the same. Who won? You'll have to wait until their announcement November 14 www.emailexcellence.com Until then, here are a few thoughts on making yours an asset instead of an eyesore: 1. Offer Value Yes, your new products and services are of interest but they should not be the center-point of your bulletins. Instead, focus on interesting, valuable, useful, and actionable information for your readers. 2. Attitude Counts Maintain your tone of voice. We want to hear from *you* and about what *you* think. We know what you sell. We're interested in what's new. But we really want to know how you feel about things. What's your take? 3. Be Brief This issue of Full Sterne Ahead is waaaaay too long for easy consumption. I stopped reading some of my favorite newsletters because they just piled up waiting for me to find enough time. How can I advise you to follow a rule I'm breaking at this very moment? My very best advice is always directed toward myself. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- THE CRYSTAL BALL ---------------- We'd all like to say goodbye to passwords: more than eight characters, must include a number and a punctuation mark and must, above all, be completely unmemorable. It's enough to drive one to drink. That's what Passlogix figured anyway. Their system makes you the online bartender at this interactive bar. Your password lies behind how you mix your favorite beverage. Cute? You bet. Useful? Mmmmmaybe... We'll have to let this Cabernet breathe a bit. www.passlogix.com I'm still waiting for BitBoost Systems to turn their attention from cats to humans. "When cats walk or climb on your keyboard, they can enter random commands and data... PawSense is a software utility that ... quickly detects and blocks cat typing. www.bitboost.com/pawsense/index.tml For $179, the Identix BioTouch PC Card Fingerprint Reader www.identix.com/itsecurity/products/BioTouch.html may be just a little too pricey, but one way or another, look for passwords to become as common as buggy whips before too many more trips around the sun. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- MY IN-BOX --------- Is it me, Sir? Or is there just a little more seasoning than usual in the Spam these days? > Date: Sat, 26 Aug 2000 00:15:46 +0500 > From: SM UZAIR UMER MOON > Reply-To: moon_business_empire@yahoo.com > To: jsterne@targeting.com > Subject: information > > Hello sir, > Sir i want export quilty salt from Pakistan. Our > business related by salt, sir please give me your information > about your requirments of this proses. Sir i send you a > super quality salt with nice packing. Sir i will wait for > your reply, please sir send me your leatest information, > can i send you salt. Sir i am very thankful for you. > Rub Nawaz Insari. > Sargodha. > Pakistan. This one gets filed in the You-Want-Me-To-What? folder: > Hello! > We have finally finished our continuously streaming > video technology. Presently we are taking broadcasts off > the satellite, encoding them on-the-fly and re-broadcasting > the programs on the Internet. Cool enough, except that this Spam - sent to a dozen busy journalists - asked for the moon: > To see this exciting new product and view live television > over the Internet, simply download the following Plug-in > to a temp file on your C-Drive...close your Browser...go to > the file you just downloaded.... double-click on it to run > the Install Program...Then, open your Browser and go to > the site below to view live television. > > This is a Free BETA Player and a preview of things to > come. So, please give me any bug reports. > > Please let me know if you have any problems. Enjoy! Yet another plug-in? Clearly, we journalists have nothing better to do. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- YOU CAN DO IT ------------- I've been very impressed with National Semiconductor for handing some of the reins of Web power over to their sales- people. National sales reps can create pages for each individual client and update it as often as they like with whatever they think will help the customer find, buy, and use National products. This is taking the idea of extranets and making it personal. Now you can do it too - with a little help from Agillion - www.agillion.com They decided small and medium sized businesses could use an ASP approach to support their clients this way. I say they should knock on larger doors as well. So many corporate Web efforts happen in small, isolated groups without the solid foundation of a Web-dedicated IT contingent nor the laser-focused energy of an all-hands-on-deck, techno start-up. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- THE BIG IDEA ------------ Speaking of Jakob Nielsen... He responded to last week's discussion about the iFeel mouse: www.logitech.com/cf/whatsnew/new_products.cfm?52,10 > From: "Jakob Nielsen" > To: "'Jim Sterne'" > Subject: RE: iFeel Mouse and your thoughts > Date: Sun, 27 Aug 2000 18:24:26 -0700 > > It is about time we added more dimensions to the user's > main way of communicating with the computer. The traditional > mouse is no better than the cave people's club: you can > bang on things, but that doesn't make for a highly nuanced > dialogue. Force-feedback is one first step and will allow > users to know more than simply what pixel they are pointing > to. Another advance would be pressure-sensitive buttons, > so that you could steer the computer differently with a > hard or a soft click, depending on what you wanted it to > do. Drawing programs would be the first beneficiaries of > more flexible mouse operations - for example, you could > vary the line thickness or the color based on pressure > while drawing. But many other user interfaces could be > made richer as well. > > The old mouse is more than 30 years old. It's time for it > to evolve beyond age of the cave people. It's time for > computers to support a richer and more flexible dialogue. > It's time for the user interface to become more human > and less robotic. Anybody out there working on something Jakob and I should know about? ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME ---------------------- Cliff Kurtzman suggested we get together for dinner while we were in the Big Apple. He picked a place where he could make a reservation online. He picked well.... with one exception: > From: "Richard LoPuzzo" > To: > Subject: Reservation at Aureole > Date: Tue, 29 Aug 2000 16:48:31 -0400 > > Dear Mr. Kurtzman, > > In response to your fax, a reservation has been made for 2 > people on Aug 29th at 7pm. Please call the day before to > confirm your table. (212) 319-1660 > > Thank you. > Aureole The problem? It would have taken a time machine to confirm the reservation day before dining. ------- - ------ ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- IF THEY CAN LAND A MAN ON THE MOON... ------------------------------------- Rebecca Robertson > Mr. Sterne, > > My daughter who is serving our country in the United States > Air Force is currently serving on the island of Okinawa. > She and all of her other 50,000 other military personnel > and their families have Internet access and credit cards > with money to spend. BUT they are having a hard time > finding companies who will use the US Mail service. That > is the only way to get products to them via the APO mail > system. It is harder but don't these companies realize > what kind of message they are sending to these young people > when they go through all the fences filling out forms online, > giving out their credit card numbers just to find an email > 3-5 days later saying sorry we don't send our products via > US Mail so therefore we can't send you what you ordered. > > We are not just talking about new dot com companies but some > of the bigger brick and mortar companies as well. My daughter > will base all of her future purchases with brands she feels > comfortable with as a new consumer on her own. Just trying > to send her Christmas presents last year and recently trying > to send her birthday presents gave me reasons not to shop > at places that I've traded with for years JUST because they > REFUSED to send their products via U.S. Mail to an APO address. > The people I talked with didn't care and to date I've not > received any correspondence with the companies that I tried > to spend money but was turned down. > > Very discouraging as a veteran myself and as a very proud > mother of an active duty airman. Anybody got a clue? Can suggest a solution? Inquiring minds (with money to spend) want to know... ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ONE OF MY FAVORITE BUTTONS ------------------- ------- I'm driving along and hear a song I like, or a commercial I'm interested in. What to do? Whip out a scrap of paper and a pen and jot it down - and then wave sheepishly to the lady in the next lane who was leaning on her horn trying to avoid the need for a new paint job. It's still going to be that way for a little while. iTag was a very cool little bauble for your key ring that came pre-set to your favorite radio station. You like what you hear? You push the button. (It only had one.) You could plug it into your serial port, upload your "tags" and see a list of what was on the air at the time. How did it know? It was just a clock! Why was I enthused by this? Because, like millions of other subscribers to Wired and Forbes (at least by blood), I got my hands on a :Cue:Cat slimline scanner thingy. www.digitalconvergence.com You can only use it while plugged in to your computer. iTag was a cool little gadget meant to be portable and suitable for impressing your friends. The other is a not-so-reliable pain in the butt that will be used once by the technically inclined and then discarded as a waste of time. The sad part arrived on the 18th of this month: > From: "Xenote" > To: jsterne@targeting.com > Subject: IMPORTANT: Xenote regrets operations will cease 9/22 > Date: Mon, 18 Sep 2000 > > Dear Jim, > > We regret to announce that we must discontinue the > Xenote.com service for the Xenote iTag. > > XENOTE.COM WEBSITE WILL SHUT DOWN THIS FRIDAY, > 9/22/00 > > The Xenote.com web site and all user accounts will be > disabled on or before Friday, September 22nd. Current > economic conditions are such that we have been unable > to secure funding and must therefore cease operations. But to prove that good ideas still have a shot, there's the $19.99 programmable relative to the iTag; the Sony eMarker www.emarker.com It's just not as cool as the late, single button original www.itag.com ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- SILLY SIGHTING OF THE MOMENT ----------------------------- Another tip of the hat to Cliff Kurtzman (good thing I picked up the tab at Aureole) for this un-retouched gem: > From: jan.heines@centerparcs.com > Subject: Jan Heines/HO/NL/Center Parcs is out of the office. > To: "Year2000.com" > Date: Fri, 15 Sep 2000 02:00:37 +0200 > > I will be out of the office starting 15-09-2000 and will > not return until 19-09-2000. > > In the mean time one of my colleagues probably can help you. > Please mail to wil.vandelaar@centerparcs.com. > > ********************************************************** > > The information contained in this message and any attachments: > > 1. does not constitute an offer or an acceptance of an > offer or a representation or warranty, nor shall it > form any part of a legally binding contract. > > 2. has been compiled with care but no representation or > warranty (express or implied) is made as to its accuracy > or completeness and no liability can be accepted for > any loss arising from the use of any of the information. > > 3. may include opinions or views, which unless expressly > stated otherwise, are not those of the company or any > person in relation to whom the company would have > vicarious liability or responsibility. > > 4. is not guaranteed to be free from any so-called computer > viruses and it is strongly recommended that you check for > such viruses before down-loading it to your computer > equipment. > > 5. may include hypertext links to the sites of other > companies or persons, the content of which this company > has no control over and accepts no liability for. > > 6. is for the exclusive use of the addressee and may contain > confidential, privileged, work product immunity and/or > non-disclosable information. If you are not the intended > recipient and receive this message and any attachments, > you must not read, copy, transmit, disclose or otherwise > use any of them (or part of them) in any way (to do so > may be unlawful) and we would be grateful if you could > inform us immediately of any such receipt and subsequently > entirely and permanently erase the message and any > attachments from your equipment. > > E-mail is an informal method of communication and is > subject to possible data corruption. For these reasons > it will normally be inappropriate to rely upon information > contained in an e-mail without obtaining tangible written > confirmation of it. Paranoia strikes deep. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- CLASSIC COMMENT --------------- "Welcome to my page! If you are a Blockbuster or any video store employee, you should enjoy it. If you are a customer of a video store, you may want to leave now." By now you know about bizrate.com and planetfeedback.com where much-abused customers can sound off about their mistreatment. But what happens when the shoe is on the other foot? You find out that life on the other side of the counter (the customer service department) is ideal for masochists. And you thought being a *customer* at Blockbuster Video was tough... http://members.xoom.com/bbsucks/site.htm ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- SHAMELESS PLUG -------------- For those of you who read this far... here's a freebie: an interview (with a handful of PowerPoint slides) about Customer Service on the Internet www.realmarket.com/live/0915000004 If you can get to Munich on Monday & Tuesday, October 9 & 10, you should know I'll be back for another two-day World Wide Web Marketing workshop. Here's the cut & paste-able location: http://training.pdb.sni.de/scripts/db4web/db4web_c.exe/db4web/kuris/details?b=N&bereich=SNT&bis_day=1&bis_month=0&bis_year=0&kurztitel=M-WEB Londoners can get a 10% discount on a full-day seminar called Internet Strategies for Customer Service on October 12. The very next day I'll give another one on Measuring Customer Satisfaction Via the Internet. When you register, tell them you're taking advantage of the special Sterne/Bywater discount. www.ecustomerserviceworld.com I'll only be in NY one day for Internet World. On Tuesday the 24th. I'll give a one-hour presentation on The Business Side of Managing a Web Site and another on Customer Service. www.pentonevents.com That night, I get on plane headed way south of the border to Brazil where I'll give two day seminar on Web marketing and online customer relationships hosted by HSM Eventos Internacionais www.hsm.com.br/smspJIM.htm The first of November will find me in Auckland where I'll participate in the New Zealand Government's Electronic Commerce Summit and Conference. www.ecommerce-summit.govt.nz On Monday, November 6, I'll be online doing an iWebshop for Hewlett-Packard, on Selling Services. I will be leading a full-day pre-conference workshop called Developing an E-Service Strategy on Sunday, November 12 at the CSM2000 - The Third Annual Customer Service Management Conference in Florida. You can get a $200 discount if you register before October 1 with the code CSFAC6 at https://secure.thinkservice.com/csm-us/reg2000.asp After that, it's only worth $100 off... www.csm-us.com For a further look ahead, there's always: www.targeting.com/upcoming.html ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- How about you? I'm interested in what is on *your* mind. What issues are you facing these days? Drop me a line. ------- ------- ------- ------- ---- --- ------- ------- This newsletter is going to be better if it reaches more people. You can help. The Net is a powerful word-of-mouth mechanism, so if you know somebody who might like to be on the receiving end, please point them to www.targeting.com A tip of the hat to Ed Volchok who slapped me upside the head for not offering an easy way to change your address: http://laser.sparklist.com/scripts/lyris.pl?enter=full_sterne_ahead And I'll bet you know what will happen if you send a message to unsubscribe@targeting.com. ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web marketing consultant to business and industry and contains statements expressing expectations of future events and/or results that constitute forward-looking state ments made pursuant to the Safe Harbor provision of the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. All statements based on future expectations rather than historical facts are forward-looking statements that involve a number of risks and uncertainties, and not even Santa Claus can give assurance that such statements will prove to be correct. |