Target Marketing -- Full Sterne Ahead

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Full Sterne Ahead

by Jim Sterne

October, 2001

Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web marketing consultant to business and industry

In this issue I marvel at the email muck-up at Macys in
When Will They Ever Learn?, bring you two Resources of
Note, watch the weather forecast in While I Was Out,
wonder if opt-in is enough in Crystal Ball, am astonished
by AC Nielsen in In My In-Box, recommend a forthright
disclaimer in You Can Do It, beg for PR sanity in Don't
Try This At Home, lament the communication gap between
marketing and technology in Apology of the Month, get
down, get silly and get back up again in Silly Sighting
of the Moment, weep at the ethical demise of an Internet
icon in Who'd Have Guessed?, point and laugh at the
shoemaker's children in If They Can Put A Man On The
Moon, discover why Excite@Home couldn't make it alone in
Classic Comment, and head out into the world once again
in Shameless Plug.

But first...

   After a great deal of encouragement from the
   participants and the speakers, the E-Metrics Summit
   *will* go ahead as scheduled on November 7-9 in
   Santa Barbara.

   "Business expectations and reliance on analytical
    information continue to increase despite the
    economic slowdown." Mike Gotta, Meta Group

   Please pass the word along to those who might
   be interested:
   http://www.targetingemetrics.com/summit.shtml
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

WHEN WILL THEY EVER LEARN?
--------------------------
I often read my email offline. With DSL in the office
and a cable modem at home, how can this happen?

Airplanes.

So at 35,000 feet, I read a spam from Macy's which consists
of four large, blank graphics and tiny, unreadable gray
text on a white background.

The reply header said: Reply-To: "macys.com"

Who's chtah.com? An email collection company? I decided
to go right to the offending party. At the Macy's website
I found a feedback form, so I wrote:

  > I don't remember signing up for e-mail from you.
  > And yet, the people at chtah.com felt it was perfectly
  > reasonable to send me a spam in your name.
  >
  > How *did* you get my name for this mailing?
  > I'll bet you don't know...

Later that day:

  > Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2001 11:15:10 -0400
  > To:
  > Subject: Macy's.com Acknowledgement (KMM2645217V6865L0KM)
  > From: macysmaildesk
  >
  > Thank you for contacting Macys.com. An Internet
  > Customer Service Representative will research your
  > inquiry and respond to you shortly.
  >
  > Sincerely,
  > Macys.com Internet Staff

>From fds.com? Yes, I know that Federated Department
Stores owns Macy's, but does everybody? Could it be
that Macy's doesn't understand branding?

Two days later, I got another spam full of unreadable
graphics, so I wrote again - this time, I was careful
to include the reference number from their previous
automated reply:

  > Date: Thu, 23 Aug 2001 08:10:28 -0700
  > To: macysmaildesk
  > From: Jim Sterne
  > Subject: Macy's.com Acknowledgement  (KMM2645217V6865L0KM)
  >
  >   > At 08:15 AM 8/21/01, macysmaildesk wrote:
  >   > Thank you for contacting Macys.com.  An Internet
  >   > Customer Service Representative will research
  >   > your inquiry and respond to you shortly.
  >
  > Perhaps, but not shortly enough.
  > You see, while I've been patiently waiting for an
  > Internet Customer Service Representative to get
  > around to deeming my issue interesting enough
  > to answer (see below) - it's happened again!

Then I included all pertinent info, assuming the human
who ended up with this missive, would not have seen the
previous one. I was close:

  > Date: Thu, 23 Aug 2001 11:30:53 -0400
  > To: Jim Sterne
  > Subject: Re: Privacy Master (KMM2667945V80598L0KM)
  > From: macysmaildesk
  >
  > Dear Jim Sterne,
  > Thank you for your recent e-mail. We appreciate you
    ...[snip]...
  > We obtained your name because our records show that
  > you are a current customer within the Federated
  > Department Stores family, which includes such
  > fine stores as: Bloomingdale's, Richs, Lazarus,
  > Goldsmith's, The Bon Marche, Burdines and Macy*s.
  > You may also have shopped at weddingchannel.com.
    ...[snip]...
  > the easiest way to accomplish this is to use the
  > opt-out link that is inserted in the body of the
  > email message we sent to you.
  >
  > It's the phrase that begins, "If you do not want
  > to receive additional e-mail..." However, we will
  > consider the e-mail message you have sent to us a
  > request to remove you from our list, and no further
  > action will be necessary on your part. Your request
  > will be processed promptly.

My response:

  > Don't you find it a little unsettling that I have
  > never given email permission to Bloomingdale's,
  > Richs, Lazarus, Goldsmith's, The Bon Marche, Burdines
  > or Macy*s, and have never shopped at weddingchannel.com?

They came back with:

  > To: Jim Sterne
  > Subject: Macy's.com Acknowledgement (KMM2668049V82088L0KM)
  > From: macysmaildesk
  > Reply-To: macysmaildesk
  > X-Mailer: Kana 6.0
  >
  > Thank you for contacting Macys.com.  An Internet
  > Customer Service Representative will research your
  > inquiry and respond to you shortly.

My retort:

  > Doesn't it bother you just a little that with all
  > the money you've spent buying and implementing
  > Kana 6.0 and training your people on how to use it,
  > it can't tell when it should stop sending
  > these little gems?
  >
  > Doesn't (KMM2668049V82088L0KM) tell it that this
  > is an on-going discussion and a canned response
  > like this is much more annoying than not?

I received:

  > Date: Tue, 28 Aug 2001 08:29:51 -0000
  > From: "macys.com"
  > To: jsterne@targeting.com
  > Subject: New Reductions! Save 50-65%
  > Reply-To: "macys.com"   > aj7u1pka3s41jsbrz45pkbyt05kvku@adm.chtah.com>

...Along with an stunningly rendered offer for underwear
and luggage.

I wrote to them of my dismay and received another Kana
classic:

  > Thank you for contacting Macys.com. An Internet
  > Customer Service Representative will research your
  > inquiry and respond to you shortly.

... Along with a brand new serial number.

My only response at that point was:

  > Sheesh!

And you know what? It seems to have worked!
So far...
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

RESOURCE OF NOTE
----------------
I was reading the most recent edition of WordBizBrief
created by Debbie Weil, which doles out a good bit of
advice on writing good email promotions and I thought
her newsletter would be of interest to all:
http://www.wordbizbrief.com

But then Debbie went and mentioned Marketing Sherpa
about all things Internet marketing related. It's *also*
a great resource and is produced by the tireless Anne
Holland: http://www.marketingsherpa.com

So you end up with two this time.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

WHILE I WAS OUT
---------------
After giving a keynote at Comdex in Switzerland, I
participated in a workshop organized by my partners
in the Basel-based Omaco http://www.omaco.com consulting
company, Jo K�nzle and Chris Peter. One of the other
workshop speakers was Christian Fankhauser, CEO of
directmedia.com, Switzerland's largest online CD and
book store.

Christian had the presence of mind to buy up a popular
chain of retail music shops named CityDisk when everybody
else was going as virtual as possible. "Why?" asked his
friends and colleagues. The answer was a clear as the
changes in the weather.

On Saturdays, store sales are up and online sales are
down... unless the weather is bad. Then store sales
plummet and online sales skyrocket. Alone, neither could
eke out a living, but together you've got a business
that thrives rain or shine.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

THE CRYSTAL BALL
----------------
  > Date: 24 Aug 2001 08:31:19 -0700
  > From: "Coach.com"
  > Subject: Your Coach.com information has changed
  > To: JSTERNE@targeting.com
  >
  > Thank you for your continued interest in Coach.com.
  > As you requested, your e-mail address has been
  > successfully changed to: lostdeals@aol.com
  >
  > This message has been sent to your old e-mail
  > address, as well as your new address. If this
  > change is correct, you may disregard both messages.
  >
  > If you have any questions or concerns, please contact
  > us at comments@coach.com.

I immediately contacted them to let them know that somebody
had been messing with their database. I had not requested
the change. Besides, any CRM system worth its salt would
know that I would never allow myself to be referred to as
lostdeals@aol.com.

I have yet hear back from the folks at Coach. The Crystal
Ball is murky on this one, but is it possible that we need
to invest in double opt *out*?
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

MY IN-BOX
---------
Emails I never finished reading:

  > From:
  > To: caddy@texramp.net
  > Subject:
  > Date: Fri, 28 Sep 2001 19:32:14
  > Sender: services@msn.com
  >
  > STOP!
  > URGENT MESSAGE!
  > PLEASE READ COMPLETELY!
  > THIS MESSAGE WAS SENT PER YOUR REQUEST!
  > It is important that you read this message as soon
  > as possible. Again I urge you to read this message
  > to its fullest!
  >

This came from what *was* a trusted brand:

  > From: "ACNielsen.Online"
  > To: "'jsterne@targeting.com'"
  > Subject: Trade Development Council online survey
  > Date: Thu, 13 Sep 2001 14:28:37 +1000
  >
  > Dear Mr Jim Sterne,
  > To better understand the needs of its website users
  > and to examine the current state of the e-Commerce
  > readiness in the market, the Hong Kong Trade
  > Development Council (TDC) has commissioned
  > ACNielsen.online to conduct an online survey.
  >
  > Simply follow the link below and complete a 10
  > minute online survey, you will have a chance to
  > win TRAVEL CASH COUPONS good enough for you to fly
  > FREE for a return trip from your home town to Hong
  > Kong.
  >
  > Click the link below NOW!

To which I replied:

  > Date: Thu, 13 Sep 2001 09:01:22 -0700
  > To: "ACNielsen.Online"
  > From: Jim Sterne
  > Subject: Re: Trade Development Council online survey
  >
  > How did you come across my email address?
  > And where did I agree to accept unsolicited
  > email from you?

No reply.

Come to think of it... I never really trusted
AC Nielsen to begin with.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

YOU CAN DO IT
-------------
This just in from my business partners at Omaco in
Switzerland:

  > On the Homepage of a 9-year old girl from Germany
  > http://www.katharina-krummel.de we found this
  > great example of how simple a Legal Disclaimer can
  > look and why children are sometimes better
  > communicators than we are ;-)

   "Legal Disclaimer
   The judge of Hamburg has decided in his judgement
   from May 12 1998 - 312 O 85/98 - "Legal Responsibility
   for Links", that it is possible that the owner of a
   website is responsible for the content of the linked
   sites. The only way how to prevent this is to strongly
   dissociate from content of linked sites.

   Herewith I strongly dissociate from all content
   on linked sites that I publish on my homepage."

Says Chris Peter of Omaco, "eKids - the future..."
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME
----------------------
In reply to last month's FSA, I received an email from
Loren Williams regarding the
brush-up with Replacements.com I described. Loren wrote:

  > I am a Mr., not a Mrs. (last I checked :)

I wrote back my abject apologies and vowed not to drive
over *that* pot hole again. So it is with gender-neutral
caution that I bring you this bit from C. A. (Kit)
Kennard, a subscriber from Ontario Power Generation
http://www.opgdirect.com  Kit was scratching his head,
er, her head... er, wondering about a press release
proclaiming a New Web Presence at the Yahoo Finance site:
http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/010921/daf009_1.html

The release is dated September 21. Kit pointed out that
as of that auspicious date, the Web site  -
http://www.transenergy-tsrg.com proudly proclaimed:

   OUR WEB SITE IS CURRENTLY UNDER CONSTRUCTION!

As of this writing, that still stands. Take a look and
see if it's still that way as of this reading. It'll
drive them buggy trying to figure out where all the
traffic is coming from.

You only get one shot at your 15 nano-seconds of fame.
Don't blow it.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

APOLOGY OF THE MONTH
--------------------
Sometimes it seems that Gabe Goldberg goes
out in search of trouble. This time, he got an apology.
The trouble? Spam, of course. The problem? No way to
gracefully opt for what he wanted and only what he
wanted. Gabe wrote:

  > I have *no* boxes checked requesting anything but
  > Win98/NT. I didn't request or authorize this sort
  > of email and so it's spam. Please advise that you'll
  > remedy your email processing.

He got this in return
  >
  > Hello, Gabe--
  > My apologies. I checked your account, and you are
  > correct. Apparently our automated mailer cannot at
  > present deal with member accounts where NO category
  > preferences have been selected. That is, accounts
  > where the user has not chosen to opt in to anything
  > in the "category" list, rather than the "OS" list.
  >
  > (Typically, the OS preference works as a "limiter"
  > rather than a "determiner". I'm making up these terms
  > as I go along, but the point is that an OS preference
  > allows us to send Windows-specific notices only to
  > Windows users, and Mac-only notices only to Mac users
  > -- when it comes to category-specific matters. Whew!)
  >
  > We'll have to get our programmers to take a look at
  > the system, from registration to mailing, to find out
  > how to re-write the code to deal with such a circumstance
  > as yours (And, no doubt, others). In the meantime, please
  > forgive us -- even if you receive one more mailing in the
  > next day or two. (Programmers work at their own speed,
  > and the rest of us are too ignorant to put up much of
  > an argument!)
  >
  > Thank you for taking the time to let us know there is
  > a problem, rather than simply stomping off in a huff.
  > Were it not for folks like you, we'd never know when
  > we had a problem!
  >
  > Sincerely,
  > Robert L. Lee

Indeed.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

SILLY SIGHTING OF THE MOMENT
----------------------------
I'm afraid I can't recall who told me about
http://www.dancingpaul.com but thanks. Another
ten minutes completely wasted.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

WHO'D HAVE GUESSED?
-------------------
If Glenn Davis were dead, he'd be spinning in his grave.
Glenn was the original founder of Cool Site of the Day,
and creator of Project Cool, which now resides at
http://www.devx.net

  > X-Sender: alkikuras@starband.net@pop.starband.net
  > X-Mailer: QUALCOMM Windows Eudora Version 5.1
  > Date: Thu, 27 Sep 2001 16:13:55 -0400
  > To: Jim Sterne
  > From: Greg Smith
  > Subject: Full Sterne Ahead - Become a Cool Site of
  >          the Day Affiliate
  >
  > Jim,
  >
  > You are on my short list of potential Cool Site of
  > the Day super affiliates.
  >
  > After recently notifying our 80,000-member database
  > of our new submission fee policy, we generated nearly
  > $10,000 in revenue! I'm sure a good percentage of
  > your readers have cool web sites and want the world
  > to know about them... let us pay you handsomely for
  > encouraging them to apply for the coveted Cool Site
  > of the Day Award.

This was very close to being a personal message, but
the smell of Spam is just overwhelming.

Who is X-Sender: alkikuras@starband.net@pop.starband.net ??

   "StarBand is the nation's first two way, always on,
    high-speed residential Internet service via satellite"

It's tough to see your children turn to a life of crime.
Our heartfelt condolences, Glenn.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

IF THEY CAN PUT A MAN ON THE MOON
---------------------------------
A tip of the fedora to "Dan Murray"
for passing along the following comedy of doozies.

He (I'm guessing, here, but I feel pretty confident)
registered for a "Future of E-Business" webinar hosted
by Teradata, the data warehouse division of NCR. Dan had
some trouble.

From: Dan Murray

   > I registered for this Teradata web seminar as soon
   > as I got the info. I look forward to attending.
   >
   > Today, however, I got the *third* phone call from
   > Teradata encouraging me to register for the webinar.
   > Huh? Did my registration get lost in the shuffle?
   >
   > When I try to register again it says I have entered
   > an invalid code.
   > What's up? Regards,
   >
   > Dan

He got a reply from Rose Heiny. She (I'm pretty sure) said:

   > Thank you for your email. I am so sorry that you
   > have received repeated
   > calls regarding registration. I have checked and you
   > are indeed registered
   > for the Web Seminar that will take place on August 28.
   > The reason that you
   > received the "invalid code" message was because you
   > were already registered.

Sorry, Rose, but that doesn't qualify as an apology
of the month. It's good that you expressed regret over
NCR's misguided marketing efforts, but why not accept
responsibility for a Web site that's not well connected
to your data warehouse? The truth turned out to be more
painful than fiction:

  > Rose,
  > Thanks for your note and for shipping the book
  > "Seven Steps to Nirvana" after I attended your
  > webinar. Just FYI - the card that came enclosed
  > with my book said "Dear Ms. Kapsner" instead of
  > "Dear Mr. Murray."

See? I'm not the *only* one with a gender problem!

  > Also, even though I had to type my address into
  > your registration system two or three times (when
  > registering and before/after the seminar) the
  > book was sent not to the address that I typed in
  > those several times but to the old (& incorrect)
  > company name and old (& incorrect) address that
  > you had on file for me and used for your initial
  > direct mail solicitation.
  >
  > I have to say I enjoyed the seminar but a number
  > of factors before and afterwards left something
  > to be desired. It appears to me that Teradata
  > must maintain numerous separate data silos, none
  > of which talk to each other, at the expense of
  > prospects and customers. I truly hope this is
  > not a real-life example of "The Future of E-Business"
  > as the seminar title suggests because if it is,
  > we're all in trouble! ;-)
  >
  > Regards,
  > Dan

Those who can't do, teach?
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

CLASSIC COMMENT
---------------
This gem showed up a couple of weeks ago:

   "I don't get up in the morning and crunch numbers."
   Patti Hart, CEO of beleaguered broadband provider
   Excite@Home

No longer beleaguered, Excite in now "to be acquired
by AT&T." Now you know why behind every good company
is a good MBA.

A tip of the propeller beanie to Owen Thomas, fount
from which Ditherati flows. http://www.ditherati.com
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

SHAMELESS PLUG
--------------
Where in the world is Jim Sterne?
What day is it?

Customer Service Management was cancelled and Internet
World postponed. So this week, I'll be spending more
time drawing attention to the E-Metrics Summit coming
up fast. http://www.targetingemetrics.com/summit.shtml

Between now and then, I'll be appearing in Istanbul and
Copenhagen and you can get all the details at
http://www.targeting.com/upcoming.html
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
How about you?
I'm interested in what is on *your* mind. What issues are
you facing these days? Drop me a line.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
This newsletter is going to be better if it reaches more
people. You can help. The Net is a powerful word-of-mouth
mechanism, so if you know somebody who might like to be on
the receiving end, please point them to http://www.targeting.com
or have them send a message to subscribe@targeting.com.

Target Marketing
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