Target Marketing -- Full Sterne Ahead- November, 2000

Sterne Measures
Keep tabs on events & the mind of Jim Sterne by subscribing:

unsubscribe instructions

Full Sterne Ahead

by Jim Sterne

November, 2000

Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web marketing consultant to business and industry.

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
Yes, I broke my promise. I said they'd be more often and
shorter. But given my travel schedule this month... OK -
enough belly-aching!

This month Black & Decker is black & blue in When Will They
Ever Learn?, the Resource of Note can be found close to home,
I learn the meaning of servicing your customers While I Was
Out, ICANN, You can, we all can in the Crystal Ball, My In-Box
is short but not sweet, I introduce the Apology Of The Month,
middle-men get replaced in The Big Idea, an excellent marketing
tactic is in You Can Do It, following policy is something I
recommend you Don't Try This at Home, my own blunder
serendipitously leads to the Silly Sighting of the Moment,
and the never-for-a-loss-for-words Mark Gibbs spouts this
month's Classic Comment.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

WHEN WILL THEY EVER LEARN?
--------------------------
David Newton-Dines was mad as Hell and he wasn't going to take it anymore. So he wrote to me about it:

   > Thought you might like to include this as a great
   > example of how to keep customers - NOT!

Seems he went shopping at the Black and Decker Web site and
was flummoxed by the UK price for a desired item. So he wrote
to tell *them* about it:

   > I have been quoted a price of over $150 here in the UK
   > for a 13.2v Univolt battery. This in itself is bad enough
   > but I'm told they are not available despite still being
   > listed. By the way, this information came from someone
   > you list as a distributor but actually not longer stocks
   > your products because, "they are too expensive..."
   >
   > Where can I buy one in the USA at a price I can afford?
   >
   > Oddly enough, my business is measuring how it FEELS to be
   > a customer of an organisation. I can tell you, right now
   > it FEELS pretty awful.
   >
   > The goods news is that it will make a great anecdote for
   > when I'm talking to my clients at seminars.

Or lending more content to yours truly...

   > If you guys really don't care, just say so and I'll
   > simply dump my B&D tools and buy new ones... from Bosch.

So they wrote him back:

   > Another alternative would be to contact one of the many
   > mail order tool companies such as

[free advertising snipped]

   > or your favorite mail order tool company to place an order.
   >
   > Thank you.

David puts the frosting on the cake:

   > Not a single one of the sites they list even have Black
   > and Decker listed... Lastly please note the abject apology -
   > NOT.
   > USA service with a smile!
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

RESOURCE OF NOTE
----------------
This month's resource of note is particularly American given
this Thanksgiving Holiday. It's your family. To paraphrase those
Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers: Family will get you through times
of no Web access better than Web access will get you through
times of no family.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

WHILE I WAS OUT
---------------
I've really been out this time. Since the last FSA (which
stands for Full Sterne Ahead for those of you who haven't
been brainwashed by my brilliant branding abilities), I have
been to Brazil, New Zealand, Dubai (look it up), Orlando,
Boston, New York, Washington D.C., Atlanta, San Francisco
and I'm sending this FSA from London.

So here's what I learned: United Airlines has a flight-
schedule application you can download in order to find out
when they're flying where without having to browse, e-mail,
WAP, call, or carry around a 400 page book. Nice.

Keep thinking about ways you can help your customers get on
with the business of business and of living. They will
thank you.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

THE CRYSTAL BALL
----------------
Do you think the US Presidential Election constitutes
the Lawyers Full Employment Act? Just wait until people
start registering familiar domain names using .info, .biz,
.name, .museum, .aero, .museum, and .coop.

On your mark... Get set... Litigate!!
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

MY IN-BOX
---------
   > Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2000 20:35:36 +0800
   > From: LI HUALIANG
   > To: jsterne@targeting.com
   > Subject:
   >
   > hello
   > I need some advertising.can you give me some?

Uh... sure, Li - Was that enough?

   > From: "Elizabeth Gonzalez"
   > To:
   > Subject: I NEED INFORMATION
   > Date: Thu, 5 Oct 2000 01:22:38 -0400
   >
   > Elizabeth's Modeling and Music Agency
   > WORLDWIDE ENTERTAINMENT MANAGEMENT
   > Elizabeth "PEPPER" Gonzalez,
   >
   > I MANAGE A PROFESSIONAL LAW ENFORCEMENT
   > SOCCER TEAM. WHO DO I NEED TO CONTACT IN
   > TERMS OF SPONSORSHIP?

Mmmmm. Good question. Jesse Ventura?  O.J. Simpson?

   > THANK YOU KINDLY.

Don't mention it, "PEPPER"...  to anyone.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

APOLOGY OF THE MONTH
--------------------
Just to prove that not everybody is entirely clueless, I
dedicate up this new section to whoever convinces me that
they really do feel bad and are honestly seeking absolution.

This month, the dubious distinction goes to InformationWeek,
a periodical I read faithfully. Why do they need exoneration?
They spammed me.

   > Because of your industry involvement, you have been
   > selected to apply for a FREE (No fee whatsoever)
   > subscription to InformationWeek - - the source of
   > cutting-edge commentary and leading business
   > technology analysis.

So I shot them off the challenge:

   > Care to explain how this does NOT qualify as Spam?

They replied:

   > We will sometimes send offers like the InformationWeek
   > subscription to you that we think you would be interested
   > in because you are an InternetWeek subscriber.
   > InformationWeek is a sister publication of InternetWeek's.
   > We apologize if this is inconvenient.

I rejoined:

   > Is there somewhere on the form I signed or on the
   > Web site where I would have actively indicated
   > that it was OK to send me said offers?

At this point, Ellen Brady, Director Of Emedia jumped into
the fray:

   > Mr. Sterne,
   >
   > We have a permission to contact via email question on our
   > subscription forms. Our records indicated that you had
   > marked this affirmatively. I apologize if this was not
   > the case as we only select records that are opt-in for our
   > mailings. I will immediately mark your record as restricted
   > so that you will no longer receive any additional contact
   > from us via email.
   >
   > Again please accept my  apologies.

You gotta admit, that's a pretty nice way of saying, "Jim...
you're a jerk. You clicked the check-box and we have the
database entry to prove it. However, because we want to stay
on your good side, we'll assume all the blame, make the change
for you, and make the appropriate groveling gesticulations"

Not bad. But I couldn't leave well enough alone:

   > I remember saying yes to e-mail because I get
   > your daily newsletter and didn't want it to stop.
   >
   > But there is one puzzling issue... I *already*
   > subscribe to InformationWeek. What's up with that?

Ellen came back with the prize winner:

   > Well, I have to say that that is a big Mistake and I will
   > have to follow up with our fulfillment company as to why
   > the duplication was not caught. Again. I apologize for
   > the inconvenience.

And so, for their willingness to jump in with both feet and
*not* send me an e-form letter, for their internal policy of
opt-in only, for the speed with which they replied to my
cries in the wilderness, and for their ability to communicate
chagrin via e-mail, I award the folks at InformationWeek and
all of CMP.com, the Apology Of The Month Award.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

THE BIG IDEA
------------
Speaking of Information Week and their daily e-mail news,
www.informationweek.com/magazine one thing that keeps
me reading it is their Quote of the Day. (It's one of the reasons
I also love A Word A Day as well http://wordsmith.org/awad)

Several weeks ago, the QotD read as follows:

   >            -QUOTE OF THE DAY-
   > "We've got to make sure we don't create organizations
   > with a CEO at the top, a computer in the middle, and
   > lots of workers at the bottom," business-advice author
   > Robert T. Tomasko said.

It got me to wondering - why not?

Is it because we will relegate multiple tiers of middle
managers to the sidelines to languish along with wheelwrights
and slide rule polishers? Is it because we can't trust our
own programming?

In a world of empowered knowledge workers, workflow-imbued
intranets and all information available to all workers...
why not?

Do we still need team leaders? Sure. Do we still need to
have somebody calling the tactical shots to ensure the
strategy from on high can be realized? Yep.

But we no longer need layers of people whose job is to pass
information up and down the chain. And it's these very people
who are making it so hard for corporations to take full
advantage of the Internet. They feel threatened.
And they should.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

YOU CAN DO IT
-------------
Sometimes the simplest marketing really hits the spot. Simple
to present, simple to read, simple to understand, but very
hard to dream up.

Kudos, then, to Big Red Wire for displaying a simple "diary"
of one of their "customers." It delivers their Unique Sales
Proposition without garnish. Nifty. www.bigredwire.com

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME
----------------------
After several weeks on the road, I finally had the chance tomake use of a terminal adapter for my laptop that I had ordered from Microwarehouse. Turned out to be the wrong adapter. Looked like the right thing, but when it came time to plug it in at Internet World - it wouldn't fit in the port replicator slot.I bought my laptop from them so it was safe to assume they'dsend me the correct part. Then I went on a three week travelling jag and finally had a chance to rectify the situation at the beginning of this month. The response was sub-optimal:

  > At 10:00 AM 11/7/00 , WojtowiczE@MWHSE.com wrote:
  >
  > Hello James!
  > I do apologize, but the vendor will not accept this
  > adapter back from us. You can try contacting the manufacturer
  > Sony at 800-222-7669. Thank you.
  > Have A Great Day!
  > Evelyn Wojtowicz
  > Customer Service
  > X 34328
  > 800-925-6227
  > wojtowicze@mwhse.com

I wrote back:

  > OK - just so I have this story straight...
  >
  > You sent me the wrong part, and you won't take it back.
  > Does that about sum it up?

They confirmed:

  > From: WojtowiczE@MWHSE.com
  >
  > I do apologize, but returns are within 30 days. The vendor
  > will not make an exception.
  > Have A Great Day!
  > Evelyn Wojtowicz
  > Customer Service

I opined:

  > Let me see if I can sum this up again...
  > The vendor's policy of no returns is now your
  > policy for no returns and you're willing to lose
  > a customer over this, but not take responsibility
  > for it? That about right?
  >
  > Have a great day ??

No reply...
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

ONE OF MY FAVORITE BUTTONS
--------------------------
This month's favorite button is the annals of history. It seems
telecommuting got started with a bang by President Woodrow
Wilson October 10, 1913. He finished off the final excavation
of the Panama Canal by "pressing a button in Washington and
relayed by telegraph from Washington to New York to Galveston
to Panama the signal that blew the center of the dike to
complete the flooding of the Cut and join it to Gatun Lake."
according to www.battleship-newjersey.com/panama/usconstruct.html
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

SILLY SIGHTING OF THE MOMENT
-----------------------------
Gabe Goldberg was kind enough to point out that in a previous
FSA, I had offered a discount on a conference provided the
attendee responded before a deadline that had already passed.

  > Got a special category for companies that email
  > pre-out-of-date promotions? ;-)

I sheepishly retorted:

  > www.doofus.com

He gleefully rejoined:

  > It exists, says:
  >
  >  > Doofus dotcom is under
  >  > development.
  >  >
  >  > Please feel free to come
  >  > back  and check on our
  >  > progress which should be
  >  > minimal.
  >  >
  >  > We have no target date,
  >  > goals or purpose in life, so
  >  > try not to be overly
  >  > anxious.
  >  >
  >  > Once our site is fully
  >  > functional we anticipate it
  >  > will be mediocre.
  >  >
  >  > Thank you.
  >  >
  >  > You may E-mail Doofus at
  >  > Doofus@Doofus.com. Please don't take
  >  > it personally if he doesn't respond.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

CLASSIC COMMENT
---------------
After having LOL'd at the e-mail about the Queen of England
taking over the country again because we clearly couldn't
manage on our own any more, I passed it on to Mark Gibbs,
my favorite Ex-Pat-Brit. His response:

  > Excellent. And about time ...

I asked:

  > Do we get to keep baseball?

He relented:

  > Only as a punishment for people who can't pronounce aluminium.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

SHAMELESS PLUG
---------------
Where in the world is Jim Sterne?
What day is it?

If you have Real-Video installed you can see how I tried to put
the audience at the New Zealand E-Commerce Summit to sleep a
few weeks ago:  http://technology.nzoom.com/ecommerce/  and
then click on the Jim Sterne link in. You'll just have to
imagine the PowerPoint slides...

On Thursday, November 30, Agilent has invited me to present a
Web-based seminar on "Creating Customer Focused Web Sites."

Monday, December 4, 26th will find me in Orlando at the National Center for Database Marketing Conference & Exhibition, where I'll spend an hour asking (and answering) the musical question, "How Much Do You Need to Know?"

"B2B - Marketing to Clients Instead of Customers" is the
theme of an online HP iWebshop on Tuesday, on December 5.

Then I go live and in person again on Wednesday, December 6,
for the Best of e-Marketing Conference in San Diego where
I'll hold forth for one hour on the "25 Things You Must Get
Right Online." www.bestofemarketing.com/jim.php

I'm back online for my friends at Agilent on Wednesday,
December 20, with "Advanced Web Metrics."

And then it's a whole new year! (OK - century if you must).

For a further look ahead, there's always:
www.targeting.com/upcoming.html
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
How about you? I'm interested in what is on *your* mind. What
issues are you facing these days? Drop me a line.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
This newsletter is going to be better if it reaches more
people. You can help. The Net is a powerful word-of-mouth
mechanism, so if you know somebody who might like to be on
the receiving end, please point them to www.targeting.com

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
Full Sterne Ahead contains the mostly monthly musings of
Jim Sterne, author, speaker, and Web marketing consultant
to business and industry.

Target Marketing
211 E. Victoria St., Suite E
Santa Barbara, CA 93101
+1 (805) 965-3184 phone
+1 (805) 965-8687 fax

www.targeting.com