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March, 2002

Roger C. Parker was annoyed by a pop-up
while shopping at KEH.com. He wrote to them:

  > I liked your recent redesign, and like the ability to
  > compare new and used prices at one point.
  >
  > But, this morning, a pop-up screen took me away from
  > your site to a credit report offer from Equifax that
  > I couldn't escape from. I had to close the browser
  > and start all over.

"Steve Merrick" wrote back

  > I would suspect that the Equifax pop-up window was
  > initiated by another site prior to visiting KEH and
  > for whatever reason did not load or was lurking in
  > the background and when you clicked on KEH the Equifax
  > pop-up finally loaded.
  >
  > Anyway KEH does not allow other sites to populate its
  > site with pop-ups. What I have found useful is a
  > freeware program called PopUp Killer. Which you can
  > download from the Internet. The software allows you
  > to click on a pop-up window and kill it from ever
  > popping up again. Hope this helps and thank you for
  > shopping KEH.com.

As Roger put it, "Some people *do* get it." And that's
something, coming from Roger. He offers straight-up advice
for the small business Web site on everything from site
design to search engines to customer psychology.

He was also the one to point out to me that the Icelandic
Airlines named their listserve and corporate spokesman,
"Lucky." Said Roger:

  > At 35,000 feet above the North Atlantic, do you want
  > to - really want to - depend on Luck to keep you aloft?

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February, 2002

Unsolicited Pundit (tm), Glenn Fleishman
wrote to tell me that he, "received an offer that appeared
to be from HP but that had another domain on the reply
address and in the URL. I expected it was sophisticated
spam sent on behalf of a company that sold HP equipment,
so I reported it to HP, assuming it wasn't their baby."

Turned out, it was:

------ Forwarded Message
  > From: "CHISHOLM,ROBERT (HP-SanDiego,ex1)"
  > Date: Mon, 4 Feb 2002 10:06:00 -0800
  > To: "'glenn@glennf.com'"
  > Subject: unsolicited email you received
  >
  > Dear Mr. Fleishman,
  >
  > I received your complaint concerning the unsolicited
  > email you received. This message was in fact sent
  > to you from HP, and after saying that, would like
  > to apologize for any inconvenience we have caused you.
  > HP does not get into the business of sending any
  > unsolicited email to any customers. We do respect
  > all privacy rights and issues concerning this matter
  > and appreciate the time you took to send your email
  > to us.
  >
  > HP understood from the company we purchased the
  > email list from that all names had opted-in to
  > receiving information about particular products and
  > or promotions. It appears that the lists that some
  > of these sites have are outdated or incomplete.
  > Your name will immediately be taken off this list
  > and you will not receive any more "unsolicited"
  > email form HP.
  >
  > Again, I apologize for this inconvenience.
  >
  > Robert Chisholm
  > HP Consumer Business Organization
  >
  > ***********************************************
  > ***********************************************
  > robert chisholm cbo na consumer marketing p 858.655.8223 f
  > 858.655.7600 robert_chisholm@hp.com
  
Glenn's reaction:

  > Imagine my surprise. They bought a list from what is
  > obviously a disreputable firm. How the mighty have
  > fallen. Still, what a great reply from someone with
  > actual authority!
  >
  > Part of the problem here is that it's possible I did
  > opt in for this particular list, but I have no idea.
  > I don't recall and there was no information in the
  > email that was sent to jog my memory as to why I
  > would want product sales emails.

Lesson 1: Remind us about how you got our names.
Lesson 2: Make sure you know how your list-mongers
          go about collecting email addresses.

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December, 2001

  > Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 23:04:01 +0000
  > From: "Ivan Pope"
  > To: jsterne@targeting.com
  >
  > Jim, Hiya, how are you. (Cat was sick on my keyboard,
  > temp. no return key! Apologies). Had to send you the
  > below, never read more nonsense in my life, and of course
    [snip]

To which I replied:

  > I'm sorry Ivan, but that's funny.

To which he was able to ably reply:

  > I know, I know. And you don't even know my cat.
  >
  > I lost everything on a diagonal from M to +.
  > Just replaced it, phew. Did you know how much
  > you use the Return key? Have you ever tried
  > using a browser without one?
  >
  > Funnily, it suddenly made me much more aware of
  > good and bad site design. Good design suddenly
  > became the presence of a button to click ...

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November, 2001

  > Subject: RE: Full Sterne Ahead for September, 2001
  > Date: Wed, 3 Oct 2001 14:24:52 -0600
  > From: "Dan Murray"
  > To:
  >
  > Jim,
  > Nice issue, as always. Thanks for including me.

Dan ran into some trouble after registering for a "Future
of E-Business" webinar hosted by Teradata, the data
warehouse division of NCR. They kept sending registration
info to an old address.

  > Interestingly, today I got an apology letter from
  > the VP of Sales of Fulfillment America about the
  > incorrectly addressed personalized card.
  >
  > Amazingly (or not, maybe), the letter was STILL
  > sent to the old (& incorrect) company name and old
  > (& incorrect) address that they had on file for me
  > and used for their initial direct mail solicitation.
  > I guess they'll never learn.
  >
  > Dan Murray Persona, Inc.
  > dmurray@persona.com http://www.persona.com

You can almost hear Pete Seeger in the background.

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October, 2001

Sometimes it seems that Gabe Goldberg goes
out in search of trouble. This time, he got an apology.
The trouble? Spam, of course. The problem? No way to
gracefully opt for what he wanted and only what he
wanted. Gabe wrote:

  > I have *no* boxes checked requesting anything but
  > Win98/NT. I didn't request or authorize this sort
  > of email and so it's spam. Please advise that you'll
  > remedy your email processing.

He got this in return
  >
  > Hello, Gabe--
  > My apologies. I checked your account, and you are
  > correct. Apparently our automated mailer cannot at
  > present deal with member accounts where NO category
  > preferences have been selected. That is, accounts
  > where the user has not chosen to opt in to anything
  > in the "category" list, rather than the "OS" list.
  >
  > (Typically, the OS preference works as a "limiter"
  > rather than a "determiner". I'm making up these terms
  > as I go along, but the point is that an OS preference
  > allows us to send Windows-specific notices only to
  > Windows users, and Mac-only notices only to Mac users
  > -- when it comes to category-specific matters. Whew!)
  >
  > We'll have to get our programmers to take a look at
  > the system, from registration to mailing, to find out
  > how to re-write the code to deal with such a circumstance
  > as yours (And, no doubt, others). In the meantime, please
  > forgive us -- even if you receive one more mailing in the
  > next day or two. (Programmers work at their own speed,
  > and the rest of us are too ignorant to put up much of
  > an argument!)
  >
  > Thank you for taking the time to let us know there is
  > a problem, rather than simply stomping off in a huff.
  > Were it not for folks like you, we'd never know when
  > we had a problem!
  >
  > Sincerely,
  > Robert L. Lee

Indeed.

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September, 2001

David Newton-Dines wrote
from the UK to point out that there's a "quiet revolution
going on on this side of the pond that just might spread..."
He was referring to http://www.CallCentreVoice.com

However, that message came as a BTW along with September's
Apology of the Month:

  > From: CoffeeCup [mailto:helpdesk@coffeecup.com]
  > Sent: 08 September 2001 20:20
  > To: Loyal User
  > Subject: *Important Notice - HTML Editor 9.0 is Here !
  >
  > It is important you read this e-mail. (we had a
  > mail glitch) If you received this e-mail more than
  > once please be assured this won't happen again.
  > Our mailserver went a little crazy. We really
  > apologize. Computers stink sometimes :)
  > ---------------------------

I have no trouble believing the sincerity of that message.
And they certainly got it right about computers.

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August, 2001

Here's an apology that requires an apology. This came in
from Adam Boettiger , host of http://www.email911.com  

Adam wrote:

  > Here's a classic example of why one should never
  > fully trust a spell-checker and *never* set it to
  > auto-correct words that it thinks are misspelled
  > without rereading what you send before you send it.
  >
  >   > From: Jude Wertheim
  >   > Date: Thu, 19 Jul 2001 10:54:43 +0300
  >   > To: adam.boettiger@i-advertising.com
  >   > Subject: DiskOnKey registration
  >   >
  >   > Dear Sir,
  >   >
  >   > Our Technical Support department has forwarded
  >   > me your registration information. I apologize
  >   > for the incontinence, we have a routine that
  >   > checks e-mail addresses' validity and apparently
  >   > yours is a bit different than the standard.

Did that make Adam feel better?
Relieved?
Depends.

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June, 2001

From: Aaron Vincent
Subject: Fwd: an apology
To: jsterne@targeting.com

I thought you might get a kick out of this apology...
I like a company that can admit to being lower on the
food chain than a rhesus monkey.  :)

Aaron

--- editor@fiercewireless.com wrote:
> Date: Mon, 16 Apr 2001 12:58:16 -0500
> Subject: an apology
> To: aaron_vincent@whatwire.com
> From: editor@fiercewireless.com
>
> Dear Reader,
>
> Our collective IQ seems to have hit a new low while
> we were updating our Web site -- even Rhesus monkeys
> may have had an edge on us....
>
> In any case, we may have sent you bad links to the
> latest issues. Please accept my apology for any
> inconvenience. We will make every effort to not
> let it happen again.
>
> Let me know if you have any additional comments or
> concerns. We always welcome your input.
>
> best regards,
>
> Jeff Giesea
> Publisher
> www.fiercewireless.com

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May, 2001

At 11:55 AM 10/25/00 , The Industry Standard wrote:
  > Hello,
  >
  > Thank you for your email. Please disregard the prompt
  > for a username.  The prompt to create a username was
  > for subscribers who did not already have one.  If you
  > had one and tried to put it in as a new one, you may
  > have received a "That Username is Already in Use"
  > message. If you already had a username, then you can
  > disregard the prompts to create a new username/password.
  > I have informed the webmaster of confusion on that issue
  > and it should be corrected shortly.  I apologize for any
  > confusion. Your magazine will process without the username.
  >
  > Chad
  > TheStandard.com
  > Customer Service

To which I replied:

  > Damn good answer Chad. And, as the author of a book
  > about online customer service, that's a professional
  > opinion:
  >
  > 1. Thanks.
  > 2. I understand your problem.
  > 3. You don't need to worry.
  > 4. We'll fix it.
  > 5. We're sorry.
  > 6. Everything will be OK
  >
  > Bravo!

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March, 2001

  > From: Kelly Mumford
  > To: jsterne@targeting.com
  > Subject: Re: It takes a lot to annoy me
  > Dear Mr. Sterne,
  >
  > Thank you for your e mail regarding your experience
  > onboard SkyWest/United Express flight 5263.  Needless
  > to say, I was very disappointed to learn about the
  > poor manner in which you were treated by our flight
  > attendant.  
  >
  > Flight crew bags are not to be stowed under our
  > customer's seats in the aircraft. That is your space.
  > Additionally, there is never an excuse for rudeness
  > or unprofessional behavior and it simply is not
  > tolerated in our company.  Your e mail was forwarded
  > to our Director of In-Flight Services for her review
  > and internal follow up to ensure that this instance
  > is not repeated.
  >
  > Mr. Sterne, your business is most important to us
  > and we appreciate your time in bringing this to our
  > attention.  Please accept my personal apology and
  > allow us an opportunity in the near future to
  > regain your respect.
  >
  > Sincerely,
  > Kelly Mumford
  > Director of Customer Relations
  > SkyWest Airlines
  > 444 South River Road
  > St. George, UT  84790

I wrote back:

  > Thanks, Kelly.
  >
  > Here I was expecting extra frequent-flier miles,
  > or a discount coupon for a future flight... but
  > I got something more valuable: a personal apology.
  > Surprising what a well-written apology does to
  > soothe one.
  >
  > Thank you.

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February, 2001

  > From: YorkJ@MWHSE.com
  > To: jsterne@targeting.com
  > Subject: Your Article in the 2-6-01 Edition of Business2.com

www.business2.com/content/magazine/ebusiness/2001/01/29/25402

  > Date: Wed, 24 Jan 2001 08:21:06 -0500
  >
  > Jim, I am CEO of MicroWarehouse, and last night saw
  > the article referenced above.  I want to make certain
  > that we have taken care of your needs, even though
  > it has clearly been very "messy" for you along the
  > way for you. Susan Fazelpoor, our head of Customer
  > Service will contact you promptly if you can quickly
  > email back your telephone number.  Secondly, it is
  > obvious we have some work to do, particularly regarding
  > the way we handle backorders.  I'm going to do a deep
  > dive on this so we can fix what appears from your
  > experience to be broken.  Thanks very much for bringing
  > this situation to our attention.  (The ultimate mad
  > customer doesn't let you know what is wrong, in hopes
  > that problems won't get fixed!)  Best regards, Jerry York

Jerry did indeed call me and was very pleasant and very
reassuring. He told me he considered himself the Chief
Customer Satisfaction Officer and that he had already
made some changes. Customers would be notified by phone.
Additional training would be rolled out.

Then Susan called and was very gracious. "We'll get to
the bottom of this," had a nice ring to it and, "We're
really sorry," sounded heart-felt. I guess writing
articles for magazines makes me something of a target
for apologies in the eyes of industry. An honest apology
is nice, but will Jerry's efforts have an impact on his
organization? Will my next order go flawlessly?
Time will tell.

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November, 2000

Just to prove that not everybody is entirely clueless, I
dedicate up this new section to whoever convinces me that
they really do feel bad and are honestly seeking absolution.

This month, the dubious distinction goes to InformationWeek,
a periodical I read faithfully. Why do they need exoneration?
They spammed me.

   > Because of your industry involvement, you have been
   > selected to apply for a FREE (No fee whatsoever)
   > subscription to InformationWeek - - the source of
   > cutting-edge commentary and leading business
   > technology analysis.

So I shot them off the challenge:

   > Care to explain how this does NOT qualify as Spam?

They replied:

   > We will sometimes send offers like the InformationWeek
   > subscription to you that we think you would be interested
   > in because you are an InternetWeek subscriber.
   > InformationWeek is a sister publication of InternetWeek's.
   > We apologize if this is inconvenient.

I rejoined:

   > Is there somewhere on the form I signed or on the
   > Web site where I would have actively indicated
   > that it was OK to send me said offers?

At this point, Ellen Brady, Director Of Emedia jumped into
the fray:

   > Mr. Sterne,
   >
   > We have a permission to contact via email question on our
   > subscription forms. Our records indicated that you had
   > marked this affirmatively. I apologize if this was not
   > the case as we only select records that are opt-in for our
   > mailings. I will immediately mark your record as restricted
   > so that you will no longer receive any additional contact
   > from us via email.
   >
   > Again please accept my  apologies.

You gotta admit, that's a pretty nice way of saying, "Jim...
you're a jerk. You clicked the check-box and we have the
database entry to prove it. However, because we want to stay
on your good side, we'll assume all the blame, make the change
for you, and make the appropriate groveling gesticulations"

Not bad. But I couldn't leave well enough alone:

   > I remember saying yes to e-mail because I get
   > your daily newsletter and didn't want it to stop.
   >
   > But there is one puzzling issue... I *already*
   > subscribe to InformationWeek. What's up with that?

Ellen came back with the prize winner:

   > Well, I have to say that that is a big Mistake and I will
   > have to follow up with our fulfillment company as to why
   > the duplication was not caught. Again. I apologize for
   > the inconvenience.

And so, for their willingness to jump in with both feet and
*not* send me an e-form letter, for their internal policy of
opt-in only, for the speed with which they replied to my
cries in the wilderness, and for their ability to communicate
chagrin via e-mail, I award the folks at InformationWeek and
all of CMP.com, the Apology Of The Month Award.

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