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February, 2002

A new client (multi-national, household name) asked me
to sign their consulting agreement before tearing their
Web site to shreds in a typical Jim Sterne Web Site Review
http://www.targeting.com/SiteReview.html

In reviewing their contract, I tripped over this nugget:

   Provider represents and warrants that to a reasonable
   certainty no virus, turn-off device, invisible hypertext
   markup language hot link, Java applet Trojan horse,
   encryption code, lock-out device or similar program,
   macro or script, is included within the Work Product.

Rather than be offended that I am suspected of being morally
capable of such nefarious undertakings, I was merely saddened
that such language is deemed necessary these days.

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December, 2001

Yes, even the great and mighty blow it sometimes. This
comes to us courtesy of Stephan Spencer in New Zealand
who runs an interesting service at http://www.AuditIt.com

  > Jim
  >
  > Thought you'd enjoy this. It's an email campaign
  > from Amazon gone wrong, horribly wrong. Someone at
  > Amazon hit the trigger a bit too quickly, as apparently
  > the email template hadn't had a chance to connect
  > with their customer database.
  >
  > Check out the signature line. That's my favorite bit.

    [huge, really ugly header snipped]
  > To: sspencer@netconcepts.com
  > From: "Amazon.com"
  > Subject: News from Amazon.com
  > Bounces-to: ems+5WW5FES7Q4DDQJ@bounces.amazon.com
  > MIME-Version: 1.0
  > Content-Type: Multipart/Alternative;boundary=MuLtIpArT_BoUnDaRy
  >
  >  _TIGER_BOX_(,100%, )  
  > #if 0 ----------------------------------------------
  > Main Message: --------------------------------------
  > #endif 0  
  >
  > Dear George P. Burdell,
  > #include "pbm-main-message.h"  
  > #if 0 -------------------------------------------
  > --- Display ASIN's Image: -----------------------
  > ----------------------------------------- #endif 0
  >     #if 0 ----------------------------------------------
  > ----------------- Display ASIN's Pricing: --------------------
  > -------------------------------------------- #endif 0  
  > High Performance Computing (Risc Architectures,
  > Optimization & Benchmarks) Our Price: $25.99

    [snip: you get the point]

  > Display Closing Info if Applicable: -------------------
  > --------------------------------------------- #endif
  >
  > Sincerely,
  >
  > Big Bird
  > king of the world
  > Amazon.com
  >
  > #include "pbm-unsubscribe.h" _END_TIGER_BOX_ TINY
  > FONT(Please note that this message was sent to the
  > following e-mail address: sspencer@netconcepts.com)

Maybe they did that just to make the rest of us feel better.

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November, 2001

  > Date: Wed, 3 Oct 2001 14:10:29 -0400
  > From: Martin New
  > Subject: 247 media provide optimism in email
  >          addresses - uh
  > To:
  >
  > Hi Jim,
  > I recently visited 247media.com to get a quote on the
  > international opt-in email list available from
  > englishtown.com. Having found the rate card at
  > hhttp://www.datacards.com/TFS/TFS75043.htm, I duly
  > clicked on the email address provided at the bottom
  > of the page listmanagement@247media.com and sent my
  > request.
  >
  > To my amazement I got the reply that the recipient
  > name was not recognized. Understandably, it has given
  > me *great* confidence concerning 247 delivering quality
  > results. Truly amazing when the list I was interested
  > in purchasing had a rate card value of $27,000.
  >
  > Regards,
  > Martin New - President
  > www.budgetstudy.com
  > eCommerce solutions for the global learning marketplace

24/7? Care to defend your honor?

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October, 2001

If Glenn Davis were dead, he'd be spinning in his grave.
Glenn was the original founder of Cool Site of the Day,
and creator of Project Cool, which now resides at
http://www.devx.net

  > X-Sender: alkikuras@starband.net@pop.starband.net
  > X-Mailer: QUALCOMM Windows Eudora Version 5.1
  > Date: Thu, 27 Sep 2001 16:13:55 -0400
  > To: Jim Sterne
  > From: Greg Smith
  > Subject: Full Sterne Ahead - Become a Cool Site of
  >          the Day Affiliate
  >
  > Jim,
  >
  > You are on my short list of potential Cool Site of
  > the Day super affiliates.
  >
  > After recently notifying our 80,000-member database
  > of our new submission fee policy, we generated nearly
  > $10,000 in revenue! I'm sure a good percentage of
  > your readers have cool web sites and want the world
  > to know about them... let us pay you handsomely for
  > encouraging them to apply for the coveted Cool Site
  > of the Day Award.

This was very close to being a personal message, but
the smell of Spam is just overwhelming.

Who is X-Sender: alkikuras@starband.net@pop.starband.net ??

   "StarBand is the nation's first two way, always on,
    high-speed residential Internet service via satellite"

It's tough to see your children turn to a life of crime.
Our heartfelt condolences, Glenn.

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September, 2001

Who'd have guessed that Web site usability advice would
be dispensed by the National Cancer Institute under the
URL: http://www.usability.gov

Take a look before you laugh - there's some good
information there. I don't know - maybe *every*
industry needs this sort of help...

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August, 2001

Good-bye Industry Standard. We wish you had been paying
just a *little* bit closer attention so you could have
heeded some of your own warnings. If anyone should have
seen the danger signs... and the way you pulled the rug
out from under your staff. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

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June, 2001

From The Los Angeles Times, 15 May 2001:
   Cisco Systems has announced its support for Internet
   Protocol version 6 (IPv6), an attempt to expand the
   number of unique Internet Protocol (IP) addresses
   available from 4.2 billion to 80 octillion.

Will even *that* be enough? First, we have to determine
whether they're speaking English or American. According
to The American Heritage Dictionary of the English
Language: Fourth Edition (2000) Octillion is either:

  1. The cardinal number equal to 10 to the 27th.
         or
  2. (Chiefly British) The cardinal number equal to 10
        to the 48th.

The Dictionary of Difficult Words spells it out quite
clearly as either a million septillions or a thousand
septillions.

For those who need to visualize, 10 to the 27th looks
like this: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. So just
picture 80 of those and you'll know how we'll attach all
of our toasters and refrigerators and microwave ovens and
wristwatches and running shoes to the Internet.

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May, 2001

"According to Haitian mythology, Ayezan is the patroness
of the marketplace. Legend has it that Ayezan is the
chief protector of the markets and public places. In
fact, legend would have us believe that enterprising
businessmen would find themselves thrust into the
world of high finance and business and Ayezan would
answer their calls for assistance, and be more than
willing to make deals! Uncannily Ayezan is also said
to profit more than any other patroness through the
deals she cuts with these practitioners."

From: http://ayezan.com/about_us/overview/overview.asp

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