------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

March, 2002

It was odd having my "Web Metrics" book for sale on Amazon
before it was even finished:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0471220728/targetmarketingA

But it got odder. Ages ago, while ego-surfing there, I
came across a Spanish version of one of my books. My
shelf is filled with translations into Japanese, Korean,
Portuguese, Finish, Italian, and Chinese, but I didn't
remember a Spanish version. They had none in stock, but
I could pre-order it, and they'd look for it. So I
ordered one.

After six months, Amazon wrote:

  > Dear Jim Sterne,
  > We're writing to let you know that, as of today, we
  > have yet to locate a match for the following item
  > from your Amazon Marketplace pre-order: La Publicidad
  > en Web--[Paperback] Sterne, Jim
  >
  > If you'd like to extend the expiration date for this
  > pre-order, or modify it any way, simply follow the
  > link below or go to the "used item pre-orders" section
  > of the Your Account link at the top of every Amazon.com
  > page.

They display a book cover, an ASIN number, the whole
nine yards.

I replied, asking if they could verify that this book
actually exists. They responded:

   Date: Tue, 19 Mar 2002 09:50:17 -0800
   From: Amazon.com
   To: jsterne@targeting.com
   Reply-To: auto-response@amazon.com
   Subject: Your Amazon.com Inquiry
  >
  > Thank you for writing to Amazon.com regarding your
  > recent purchase on our site. Please note that the
  > address you responded to is not a valid e-mail address,
  > but we do want you to find answers to any questions you
  > may have.

...followed by several links to customer service sections
of their site. Do you suppose they're in league with
Quickenstore.ca and Southwest Airlines?

Back to Top

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

February, 2002

I filled out a Web form asking Amazon for the whereabouts
of a book I had ordered:

  > 02/11/02 15:20:07
  > NAME: Jim Sterne
  > ORDER NUMBER: 103-5876469-5316617
  > COMMENTS: Usually ships in 8 - 10 days.
  > It's been over a month.
  >
  > Any clues?

The response came back:

  > Date: Tue, 12 Feb 2002 05:28:11 -0800
  > From: cust.service02@amazon.com
  > To: jsterne@targeting.com
  > Subject: Your Amazon.com Order (#103-5876469-5316617)
  >
  > Dear Any,
  > Thank you for writing to us at Amazon.com.

The programmers have taken over the asylum.
---------
At the bottom of an email forwarded to me by Stephan
Spencer , United Airlines
shows their flair for making things more convenient
for their customers:

  > To UNSUBSCRIBE FROM E-FARES
  > Go to
  > united.com
  > Click on Update profile under Planning travel.
  > Login with your Mileage Plus number and password.
  > On the Update Profile page select E-mail information.
  > Uncheck the option(s) that correspond to the e-mail(s)
  > you no longer wish to receive. Finally, click the
  > Submit button at the bottom of the page. Requests to
  > unsubscribe to United notifications may take up to
  > one week to process.

And don't get Gabe Goldberg started
about his several-months-long effort to:

  > Add my new address to some mailing lists
  > Delete my old address from some mailing lists
  > Delete my wife's address from some mailing lists

What was their response to his ump-teenth attempt to
make these corrections?

  > Dear Valued Customer,
  > Thank you for your email. In order to serve you
  > best, we are forwarding your correspondence to
  > the appropriate department. We appreciate your
  > patience.
  > Sincerely,
  > Chris
  > United Web Support

It makes his blood boil.

Back to Top

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

December, 2001

First, we notice the Sender: Bill Reject.
Has anybody at AT&T heard of branding?
At least call him William.

  > From: CustomerService@att.com
  > Sender: pdl_iBillReject@bns.att.com
  > To: jsterne@targeting.com
  > Subject: AT&T Online Statement Notification ...
  >  ... DO NOT REPLY

Don't you just love that?

  > Date: Mon, 03 Dec 2001 23:52:35 -0500
  > Reply-To: noreply@eccfeeds.ims.att.com

And why, exactly, do they offer a Reply-To address
after telling us that replying was verboten?

  > Organization: HTML Bill Viewer Test System

You mean, this isn't a real notice? Just a test?

  > Comment: These are for extra headers to be added
  > for each message. The body of the note begins on the
  > next line (unless there are comments. Line feeds are
  > only inserted when there is a new paragraph and
  > there should be a line feed in the mail note.

Once again, Billy... Comments are for internal use only.
Oh, and here's the missing ")" you forgot.

  > ** This email is automatically generated and cannot
  > accept replies. **

Yeah, we understand that the last thing on earth you
want to do is hear from your customers.

  > Dear AT&T Customer,
  > Your November 30, 2001 statement for account xxxxx
  > from AT&T is now available for viewing your entire bill,
  > printing or downloading (including call detail). Click
  > the link below to view your online statement. Simply
  > login using the User ID and Password you selected for
  > AT&T Online Customer Service. Be sure to choose November
  > 30, 2001 from the Bill Date Table to view your current
  > bill.
  > http://www.att.com/business/customerservice/

That page includes the AT&T logo, a single button, and
the words: "To start a new session or to continue an
existing one, please login."

Would it have been too much trouble to simply point me
to https://www.iadvantage.att.com ??

   > By using AT&T's Online Customer Service web site
   > you can verify your account balance, payment and
   > adjustment history, obtain listing information,
   > and request real time credits at your convenience.
   > You may request to have your paper bill suppressed,
   > and only receive a payment page in the mail, by
   > sending an email message to attbill@att.com. Please
   > be sure to include your name, account number,
   > telephone number and a brief description of your
   > request.
   > Thank You,
   > AT&T Customer Service Team

Would that *any* of that were true. The only thing I was
able to do was incur a late fee.

As of the receipt of that message, my November statement
was nowhere to be found.

So I called AT&T and they said, yes, sometimes the
billing system and the Web system don't talk to each
other. Yes, I could get a detailed printout of my calls
to see why my bill was north of $1,500 this month.
Yes, it'll take a couple of weeks. Yes, they'd be happy
to postpone my due date until I had a chance to look
at it first.

Would that any of that were true.

Well - I believe them about the billing and Web systems
refusing to talk to each other, anyway. As for the rest,
I was charged a late fee and this month it looks like
we're headed for a recurrence. I can hardly wait.

Have you ever been so dumbfounded by your phone company
that you just paid the bill without reviewing it?
You Will.

Have you ever been so annoyed by your phone company
that you switched?
You Will.

Would it make any difference?
Sigh.

Back to Top

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

October, 2001

A tip of the fedora to "Dan Murray"
for passing along the following comedy of doozies.


He (I'm guessing, here, but I feel pretty confident)
registered for a "Future of E-Business" webinar hosted
by Teradata, the data warehouse division of NCR. Dan had
some trouble.


From: Dan Murray


   > I registered for this Teradata web seminar as soon
   > as I got the info. I look forward to attending.
   >
   > Today, however, I got the *third* phone call from
   > Teradata encouraging me to register for the webinar.
   > Huh? Did my registration get lost in the shuffle?
   >
   > When I try to register again it says I have entered
   > an invalid code.
   > What's up? Regards,
   >
   > Dan


He got a reply from Rose Heiny. She (I'm pretty sure) said:


   > Thank you for your email. I am so sorry that you
   > have received repeated
   > calls regarding registration. I have checked and you
   > are indeed registered
   > for the Web Seminar that will take place on August 28.
   > The reason that you
   > received the "invalid code" message was because you
   > were already registered.


Sorry, Rose, but that doesn't qualify as an apology
of the month. It's good that you expressed regret over
NCR's misguided marketing efforts, but why not accept
responsibility for a Web site that's not well connected
to your data warehouse? The truth turned out to be more
painful than fiction:


  > Rose,
  > Thanks for your note and for shipping the book
  > "Seven Steps to Nirvana" after I attended your
  > webinar. Just FYI - the card that came enclosed
  > with my book said "Dear Ms. Kapsner" instead of
  > "Dear Mr. Murray."


See? I'm not the *only* one with a gender problem!


  > Also, even though I had to type my address into
  > your registration system two or three times (when
  > registering and before/after the seminar) the
  > book was sent not to the address that I typed in
  > those several times but to the old (& incorrect)
  > company name and old (& incorrect) address that
  > you had on file for me and used for your initial
  > direct mail solicitation.
  >
  > I have to say I enjoyed the seminar but a number
  > of factors before and afterwards left something
  > to be desired. It appears to me that Teradata
  > must maintain numerous separate data silos, none
  > of which talk to each other, at the expense of
  > prospects and customers. I truly hope this is
  > not a real-life example of "The Future of E-Business"
  > as the seminar title suggests because if it is,
  > we're all in trouble! ;-)
  >
  > Regards,
  > Dan


Those who can't do, teach?

Back to Top

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

September, 2001

Lilly Buchwitz, who recently attained the imposing title
of Professor (she'll be teaching all things e-marketing
at the University of New Brunswick Saint John
http://www.unbsj.ca/business Go, Lilly!), was looking to
rent a car. Here's the message she left on the Contact Us
page at www.avis.com:

  > From: Lilly Buchwitz
  > Email: lilly@buchwitz.com
  > Comment:
  > I thought there were Avis locations in
  > Canada? I tried avis.com and found I could only
  > search for locations by U.S. state. So I
  > tried avis.ca... and found the same thing.
  > I guess I was mistaken; there is no
  > Avis in Canada. I guess I'll have to rent
  > from Budget.

Lilly conveyed the rest of story to me:

  > I pressed the SEND button and got this:
  >
  >   > You are unauthorized to run this script from
  >   > http://www.avis.com/talk_to_us/site_feedback.html"!
  >
  > Well, gee, there's no need to shout!
  > Budget, here I come.

Sheesh.

Back to Top

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

September, 2000

Rebecca Robertson was unhappy.

  > Mr. Sterne,
  >
  > My daughter who is serving our country in the United States
  > Air Force is currently serving on the island of Okinawa.  
  > She and all of her other 50,000 other military personnel
  > and their families have Internet access and credit cards
  > with money to spend.  BUT they are having a hard time
  > finding companies who will use the US Mail service.  That
  > is the only way to get products to them via the APO mail
  > system.  It is harder but don't these companies realize
  > what kind of message they are sending to these young people
  > when they go through all the fences filling out forms online,
  > giving out their credit card numbers just to find an email
  > 3-5 days later saying sorry we don't send our products via
  > US Mail so therefore we can't send you what you ordered.  
  >
  > We are not just talking about new dot com companies but
  > some of the bigger brick and mortar companies as well.
  > My daughter will base all of her future purchases with
  > brands she feels comfortable with as a new consumer on her
  > own. Just trying to send her Christmas presents last
  > year and recently trying to send her birthday
  > presents gave me reasons not to shop at places that I've traded
  > with for years JUST because they REFUSED to send
  > their products via U.S. Mail to an APO address.
  > The people I talked with didn't care and to date I've not
  > received any correspondence with the companies that
  > I tried to spend money but was turned down.
  >  
  > Very discouraging as a veteran myself and as a very proud
  > mother of an active duty airman.

Anybody got a clue? Can suggest a solution? Inquiring minds (with
money to spend) want to know...


Back to Top